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AUGUST, 2010

•  It's August 1st and time for my annual reminder that summer is not almost over. In fact, it's not even half over.  August 7th is the half way point of summer.  Summer isn't over till late on the night of September 22nd this year.  So, for those of you who are whining about how you didn't have any fun this summer, knock it off. You've still got plenty of time.  Make yourself a list of summer fun, get off your butt, and get busy goofing off.  Don't make me have all the fun that's left this summer.
•  Winston Churchill is supposed to have said after the Second World War: "We shall not make the same mistakes our predecessors made after the First World War.  We shall make newer and bigger ones."  Churchill probably never said most of the things attributed to him, but I like this one whether he said it or not.  Mistakes are the inevitable result of action.  Let me repeat that: Mistakes are the inevitable result of action.  You are going to make mistakes.  Some of them will be big.  Some of them will look incredibly stupid in hindsight.  But, that's ok. A big part of learning how to do something is learning how NOT to do it.  That's what mistakes are.  Lessons in how not to do something.  The trick, like Churchill observed, is not to make the same mistakes over.  Make new ones instead.  Along the way, you'll get a lot of things right. 
•  "Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it." (Eisenhower)  "Self-motivation is the art of getting yourself to actually want to do what you claim you want to do and then actually doing it." (Me)  We all have things we claim we want to do: lose weight, play the piano, get rich, etc. but we don't actually want to do them.  We kind of wish they'd happen without any particular effort on our part but we don't actually want to do anything to achieve them.  The truth is you're doing exactly what you want to be doing or you wouldn't be doing it.  You may not like the reasons you're doing it.  You might feel trapped.  But, that just means you don't like or have avoided thinking about what action you need to take to live differently.  Ask yourself: Is this the life I want to live?  Am I willing to do something, even if it seems difficult, to live a different one? 
•  I read a news report that researchers concluded women are getting more attractive. (Who says there's no good news!)  I, too, have noticed more and more beautiful women as my life has gone on but I attributed it to paying better attention.  In my younger years, I was more self-obsessed and didn't notice a lot of the good in life.  I was too busy worrying about me.  What a waste!  For the last few years, I've been working hard to rectify my past omissions.  I consciously choose every day to pay attention to beauty-- in art, music, literature, athletics, nature-- and, of course, women.  I am having a lot of fun.  You should too. And, if the researchers are right, it's getting easier every day to find beautiful women.  Alas, the research showed no increase in the physical attractiveness of men.  It must just be our inner beauty that's on the rise!
•  Following up on yesterday's beauty theme, my daughter, Teresa, sang the National Anthem beautifully at a minor league baseball game last night. Today, I'm visiting the Art Institute in Chicago. So, I'll be seeing some of the most beautiful paintings in the world.  Seeing masterworks is always inspiring because it shows what great creative power we humans possess.  Speaking of creativity, my son, Tom, has two short films in the Mosaic Film Festival on Saturday night starting at 6:30 at the Rockford Theatre, 323 Park Ave., Rockford, IL.  Stop by and check out the Festival.  Well, that's the end of my shameless bragging about my children and my day off.  Have a great day!  I know I will!   
•  My favorite painting, for the past few years, at the Art Institute in Chicago is Judith by Jan Sanders a 16th Century Dutch painter.  It depicts the Biblical heroine, Judith, and the lifeless head of the Assyrian general Holofernes, whom she has just beheaded with his own sword.  I noticed yesterday, that the dead head is so painstakingly crafted that it looks like tiny hairs are sticking out from the canvas. It is amazing.  Particularly, since the head is in the background.  The painting is dominated by the figure of the triumphant Judith.  It reminds me that in order to appreciate people we need to spend time with them and pay attention to the details.  What are we missing when we only focus on someone's most obvious traits.  A lot.  We are certainly missing a lot.
•  "You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you." (John Wooden)  This is trickier than it sounds because people tend to repay kindness with gratitude and you can't really tell someone not to be grateful. "Excuse me.  Are you an ingrate?  I'm trying to have a perfect day and I need to do something for someone who won't be grateful in return.  I'm having a difficult time.  Can you help me by being an ingrate?  Oh, shoot!  That would be repaying me by giving me what I want."  I think Coach Wooden meant not to think about whether or how you're going to get repaid.  That is certainly doable.  What the other person does is strictly up to them.
•  How confident are you?  Probably depends on the circumstances to some extent.  I'm fairly confident I can help someone find their calling and take steps to live it out.  I have no confidence at all that I can make a 10-foot putt.  There are a couple reasons for this.  One is interest.  I'm very interested in other people living successfully.  I'm not very interested in golf. Another reason is experience.  I have a lot of experience working with people.  I have very little experience (none) making 10-foot putts.  If you're interested in something but lack confidence in it, you need to get some experience.  Get out there and start making mistakes!  You'll get better which will give you  more confidence which will encourage you to do more which will make you even better and more confident.  Don't be afraid to make mistakes.  Making them is a necessary part of succeeding.
•  If you want to improve any aspect of your life, the place to start is being grateful for what you've got.  After all, what you've got (intellect, creativity, strength, courage) is your base camp on the way to the summit of success.  Look at your strengths and be thankful for them.  Believe in them.  When you're confident in and appreciate what you've got, you are equipped to push on.  You know that your strengths are available to draw on when you need them.  If you don't keep them in the forefront of your mind, you might doubt them or forget about them at a crucial time.  Practicing gratitude for what you've got each day will accelerate your rate of success.   
•  Life is filled with little pleasures to be savored.  A fresh cup of coffee, a comfortable bed, the laugh of a child, a chocolate chip cookie, the smile of the waitress at the coffee shop, the voice of a friend on the phone.  Even when some of the big things are rocky in your life, you've always got the little pleasures.  The trick is remembering to savor them.  Savoring is a good habit to develop.  Start now by making a short list of the little pleasures in your life and decide to notice and savor them as you encounter them today.
•  I got some new pants! Well, not really.  I stumbled across some pants in the back of my closet.  I'd forgotten about them because they'd worked their way to a spot that would require way too much effort to get to in my morning pre-coffee stupor.  They'd been forgotten because they were "out of sight-out of mind."  Got any people like that?  Someone you haven't seen in awhile and have kind of forgotten about.  Chances are someone springs to mind.  Give 'em a call or drop 'em a note.  It'll give a burst of vitality to your day.
•  "It doesn't much matter what you teach a boy, as long as he doesn't like it."  Don't recall where I ran across this quote.  It was years back when we were preparing to educate our first child.  It's got some appeal on the face of it.  Teach the child to deal with adversity, tediousness, boredom.  Life certainly has some of those things in it.  But, that's not really the mindset you want to have for life.  Something you don't like but endure.  Life is actually intended to be delightful and adventurous.  It's a better educational philosophy to let children pursue their passion.  They'll hit adversity on that path too.  Then there'll be a point and motivation to overcome it.
•  "For that same groan doth put this in my mind, My grief lies onward but my joy behind." (Shakespeare, Sonnet 50)  Shakespeare was lamenting his journey was taking him farther from his friend but we can be tempted to view life this way.  The joy always seems to lie behind us or at least we have trouble seeing any joy in our near future.  Only current and impending grief is visible.  But, we all have things that bring us joy.  A couple days ago I encouraged you to think of the little things in life you can savor.  Arrange your life to encounter the people and things that bring you joy often.  Make time to be delighted.  It only takes a few moments of pure joy and delight here and there throughout the day to dramatically change your outlook on life for the better.
•  Today is my wedding anniversary.  Some friends of ours are getting married today so we get to freeload our anniversary celebration onto their wedding celebration.  Life is good!  Marriage will either make you or break you.  It's an amazing opportunity to strangle the selfishness out of you or, alternatively, to strangle the joy out of you (and your spouse) by whining, complaining, and manipulating your way to perpetual misery.  True love leaves selfishness a lifeless corpse on the floor.   
•  There's one way life is NOT like baseball.  Life has no "Slaughter Rule."  No matter how bad a beating you're taking in the early innings you don't get to quit early and go home.  You have to play it out.  You can just go through the motions or you can try to improve the way you're playing.  Either way, the game goes on.  Just going through the motions does not alleviate the suffering.  Improving your play does.  And, because life ultimately IS like baseball, we know there's always a chance to win, until the last out is made, no matter how far behind you are.  So, grab your bat, walk up to the plate, and find a pitch to hit.
•  Remember "mood rings"?  They were a sixties' thing so you might not remember them either because you're too young or because it was the sixties.  They're probably still around somewhere.  These rings change color supposedly reflecting the mood of the wearer.  So, if you walked up to someone and said "that's a lovely black opal ring you are wearing" and they punched you in the face with it, they were probably wearing a "mood ring", not an opal.  "Mood rings" would be more useful if you could use them to change your mood.  Just slip on the "grateful ring" when you're grumpy and "presto," you're in a good mood.  The good news is you can get the same effect by choice and you don't even have to cough-up the money for a ring.  When you're in a bad mood, decide to slip on your "grateful ring" in your imagination.  Think about what's good in your life and watch your mood improve.  Gratitude is a potent mood improver.
•  They say unless you're the lead dog, the scenery never changes.  Maybe sled dogs are stuck with a less than appealing view but we can unhitch ourselves and get another perspective.  It might be as simple as walking on a different side of the street or sitting in a different seat at the table.  It might be talking to people you usually don't talk to or taking a vacation to a new place or heading out with no particular destination and seeing where you end up.  Changing the scenery gives you a chance to see and hear new things or old things from a different angle.  This can jump start your creativity.  Give it a try.  Deviate today.
•  Dancing is fun.  People should probably take ballroom dancing or tango lessons before they get married.  It's good practice.  When you lead in dance, you need to have a clear idea what you are going to do before you do it and you need to clearly signal to your partner what the next step is going to be.  If you don't do these two things, the dance doesn't work too well.  A common plan and communication about the next step in achieving it makes any relationship better.  Take some dance lessons and see what I mean.
•  "High creativity is responding to situations without critical thought." (John Cleese)  Creativity requires open mental space to test itself out.  You can't set boundaries on what you'll consider and expect to come up with anything new.  What we think we know will crush any chance of finding something new.  You have to give yourself permission to think foolishly.  Most brilliant ideas look stupid when assailed by conventional thought.  That's why you have to give them time to develop.  There'll be plenty of time for critical analysis later-- when they're strong enough to defend themselves.  
•  "Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude." (Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)  Forgivness is essential to a good life.  People (including you) are going to be doing stupid, thoughtless, and hurtful things to each other on a regular basis.  If you're not quick to forgive, you'll be buried up to the axles in grudge and your life will go-- and, allow me to put this in really big letters-- NOWHERE.  I have a question for you.  When you first saw the word "forgiveness" at the beginning of this email, what did you think?  If someone immediately popped to mind and you got hot, or sick feeling, it's time to forgive them.  Forgivness is not excusing what they did.  Forgiveness is recognizing human fallability, acknowledging the falleness in the other person, and choosing not to spend your life lamenting, re-living, or plotting revenge for what they did.  When you do this, your life will get better.  Why?  Because forgiveness is about you-- not about them.  Forgiveness changes you for the better.  And, of course, you are the only one you can control. 
•  Life is like hang gliding. It's no fun unless you jump off the cliff! There's no point to getting the kite, learning to use it, and climbing to the top of the cliff if you're not going to jump. You can only prepare so much. Then, you have to act.  You have the tools for a fulfilling life.  You've got dreams, skills, a mind and a heart. Go ahead, jump!  You'll fly with increasing confidence each moment.  Why stand around with that heavy kite strapped to your back?  Take flight.
•  Yesterday, we were stopped-dead in traffic due to repaving.  Just ahead, there was a member of the construction crew standing holding a "Slow" sign.  It was hilarious.  We couldn't move.  Fast was not an option.  The sign was serving no purpose -- but, there it was-- because the rules require somebody to stand there holding a "Slow" sign.  How about you?  Following any pointless practices just because somebody told you once that you're supposed to?  They might be creating a traffic jam in your life. 
•  When I was a kid the guy across the street had a fishing boat and motor.  Every morning at 5am he'd run the motor for awhile.  It didn't bother me because I usually slept through it or just went right back to sleep.  Other people, however, expressed some dismay at his practice.  I'm not sure why he did it but maybe it was a Fun First! thing.  "Start your day doing something you love" is a Fun First! principle.  Maybe running that motor and imagining himself cruising to his favorite fishing spot gave him what it took to face the day.  Maybe he thought: "This is why I get up and go to work.  So I can afford the boat, the motor, and the fishing trips." [Or, maybe he just enjoyed annoying the neighbors!]  It's important to start the day with something you love. It sets your attitude for the day.  Try it yourself. You'll find your days much more enjoyable.  Try not to wake the neighbors though . . . if you can help it!
•  I workout at a health club.  Sometimes, when I tell people I belong to this gym they ask: "Isn't it just a 'meat market'?"  I always reply: "Well, if it is, I'm already in the dumpster in the back.  Nobody's there shopping for me!"  Most things are what you make of them.  For me, the gym is a place to get some exercise and to have a chance to listen to people.  I've been able to develop some good friendships and help some people through some difficult times in their lives.  You'd be surprised how readily a person may open up to a deep conversation when the alternative is doing another set of abdominal exercises! 
•  We have a new Doberman-- MacGyver.  I am typing with one hand because I have to use the other to pet, push, and wrestle with the dog.  He's young and energetic.  A big change from the older and mostly sedate, Diego, our last dog.  MacGyver's enthusiasm is refreshing (and sometimes annoying!)  Everything is exciting for him and he increases the energy level of the humans around him because he'll run over us or eat the furniture if we don't keep up.  Youth disrupts complaceny.  That's a good thing.  I like to hang out with younger people for the same reason.  Their higher energy levels and enthusiasm to learn, enjoy, and explore are contagious.  They get me thinking and moving and exploring.  And, they don't even chew on the furniture-- at least after age two or so.    
•  "Don't concentrate on what not to do." (Denis Waitley)  If you go to the plate thinking "don't strike out," you won't be concentrating on finding a pitch you can hit hard.  Successful batting comes from consistently hitting the ball hard.  We need to focus on positive goals.  Things that move us toward what we want.  "See the ball and hit it" not "don't miss."  Concentrating on not doing something doesn't tell you what to do.  This leads to indecision and inaction which usually lead to nowhere.
•  The French Foreign Legion has the right idea.  In the run-up to the first Gulf War a reporter came upon their camp in the desert.  He found a formally set dining table (complete with linens and silver), fine food prepared by a professional chef, and excellent wine.  Men enjoying life.  The commanding officer explained that while they could (and soon would) live without these things, there was no reason to live like they were in combat when they weren't.  They were trained and ready for the stress of battle.  Why be stressed too soon?  Good question.
•  A NY Times article noted "Studies of consumption and happiness show that people are happier when they spend money on experiences rather than material objects."  This is definitely true for me.  Heck, I could have taken my family to Disney World three or four times for the same amount of money I spent buying a house and it would have been a lot more fun! Rollercoaster rides vs. roof repairs-- it's no contest really.  The basic problem with stuff is that it's always there.  It never takes a trip to the Bahamas.  It's always there-- taking up space, needing to be cleaned, needing to be repaired, needing to be moved or stored. [While writing this, I got up for something and stubbed my toe on a chair-- just to reinforce the point!]   Next time you think about buying something that strikes your fancy, stop and think: "Do I really want this thing, or would I be happier with voice lessons, or swing dancing, or going away with my spouse for the weekend?  You won't stub your toe on any of those things. 
•  Scary music in the movies is designed to put you on edge.  When you hear it, you know something bad is going to happen.  We can create our own scary music when we are about to try something new.  We can convince ourselves something bad is going to happen.  Unlike the movies, we don't have an outside director determining our fate.  Just because we hear the scary music doesn't mean our fate is sealed.  We put the scary music in and we can take it out.  Next time you hear it playing in your head remind yourself that you get to pick what happens next.  The music is just a distraction.
•  What pops into your mind when you see the word "beauty"?  Just for fun make a list of beautiful things.  People, places, things.  Whatever enters your mind when you think "beauty".  Bet you feel better than you did before you started thinking about beauty.  Beauty is exhilarating.  It's uplifting.  It's an ever present gift awaiting our attention.  Make a special point to see it often today.