FUN FIRST!

Daily Encouragement for Better Living

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JULY, 2010

If you were "it" would happiness always beat you at hide and seek? Always slipping into a place you wouldn't think to look or were afraid to go? Part of the problem with losing at anything is expecting to get beat. Turn the tables on happiness. Instead of trying to find it, entice it to find you. Decide you are going to be the kind of person happiness can't resist. Happiness is attracted to gratitude. Decide to be grateful. Be glad for something in your life. Spend some time thinking about that thing. Pretty soon happiness will pay you a brief visit. As you expand your realm of gratitude, happiness will be a frequent visitor.
My mom used to say "I don't care if you write your name in the dust on my furniture. Just don't write the date." Mom was not looking for The Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. Her time was better spent listening to and encouraging other people. Anyone who knew her would be able to tell you a story of how she'd helped them through a difficult time or remembered them when no one else did. People's thoughts about you are shaped by your interactions with them-- by the love you give them. If "he has really clean furniture" is what people think when they think about you, you might want to put down the dust rag and give somebody a call to ask how they're doing-- and actually listen to what they say.
"And though they be outstript by every pen, Reserve them for my love, not for their rime."(Shakespeare, Sonnet 32). In this sonnet, Shakespeare asks his lover to remember his poems for the love they express rather than the quality of the writing. While finding the right words doesn't really seem to have been a problem for Shakespeare, we can easily get caught up in trying to figure out the "right" way to say "I love you" or "Thanks for being such a great friend" or "Knowing you really makes my life better." Overthinking is the enemy of honest expression. Just say it. It doesn't have to be perfect as long as it's sincere.
Independence Day. "We might have been a free and great people together." (Thomas Jefferson in his draft of the Declaration of Independence submitted to the Second Continental Congress) The Congress cut this sentence (as well as plenty of others) from Jefferson's draft before adopting the Declaration. I guess they didn't want to focus on what might have been with the English. Jefferson's lament at the loss of the chance to strive together with his English brothers for greatness, though dumped from our nation's founding document, can be an inspiration for us-- because we have the power to join with others in a common effort to be a free and great people together. All that stops us is our own reluctance to exercise our freedom, reach out to others, and draw on our collective body of strengths to reach the full potential God intended for us at Creation. We all have strengths but none of us has all of the strengths. No one can achieve greatness alone. Take stock of the people in your life and talk with them about your joint venture in becoming free and great. Don't neglect them and put yourself in the position of looking back on this day and lamenting the opportunity you chose to pass up.
Fireworks amaze me. What amazes me is the human mind behind them. I cannot begin to understand everything that goes into designing and building fireworks. How do you put everything together? They have to get lit, fly into the air a prescribed distance, explode with a precise ka-boom, and the pieces have to disperse in a specific pattern, with different pieces burning different colors, which don't set everything on fire when they fall to earth. A work of art made possible by science and engineering. We are amazing creatures. In what ways are you amazing? How about your spouse, children and friends? Take some time and do an "amazing inventory" then have fun being amazing today.
This is the anniversary of the beheading of St.Thomas More in 1535. King Henry VIII had him executed for treason. Thomas More is a big hero of mine.His picture hangs on my office wall as a tribute to him and a reminder to me that well-rounded excellence, though rare, is attainable. Of all the things to admire about Thomas More, my favorite (surprise,surprise!!) is his sense of humor. He never took himself too seriously and always enjoyed himself whatever the circumstances. He tripped on his way up the steps to his execution and one of the guards reached out to help him. He said, "I can make my own way up but I'll need some help coming down." In Merry Olde England, you had to pay your executioner by giving him your cloak. The executioner looked at More and said, "Sir, your upper garment." More handed him his hat. (He was a lawyer till the end!) In fact, More had intentionally worn his best cloak for the executioner's benefit. He figured the guy was doing him a favor in dispatching him to everlasting life. So, today, in honor of St. Thomas More, resolve to live with integrity and to laugh no matter what troubles befall you. As I'm sure St. Thomas would say, "Relax. Don't lose your head about it. I did that once and it really, really hurt!"
Life is like baseball. Even when you strike out, there's still hope: a dropped third strike. If the catcher misses strike three, and you can beat the throw to first base, you're safe even though you struck out. Don't ever quit. Even when all seems lost. Be alert. I've seen countless players moping about striking out when they should have been running to first. Giving up and wallowing in self-pity did them in-- not missing the last pitch.
I once watched a movie where nothing happened. We wanted to leave, because it was so boring, but we couldn't because the overpowering dullness of it had us trapped. We kept watching in morbid fascination-- waiting--waiting for something--ANYTHING-- to happen. It didn't. One of the guys I saw the film with actually watched it again a few years later when it was on TV because he still didn't believe it. He thought we must have missed something. We hadn't. Watching an entire movie where nothing happens is a painful exercise, but living an adventureless, actionless life is much worse. Are you living that kind of film? A story you'd walk out on if you could. Well, I've got good news for you. No matter how dull "My Life So Far" has been for you , today you get to start working on the sequel, "The Amazingly, Incredibly, Awesome Adventures of Me". So, instead of just lifelessly moping into today, take five minutes to start working on your screenplay. What kind of adventures do you want the hero (that's you) to have over the course of the film. Don't leave anything out because you think it's over-budget or beyond the star's abilities. Money and skills can be found and developed even if you don't believe it at the moment. Don't let anything be an obstacle to imagining the adventures you want to live. Forget "reality" and write the script you want to live. We'll work on the other steps of getting it to the big screen later-- but without a good story-- the movie goes nowhere. So, get busy and start writing that blockbuster screenplay-- NOW!
How'd your screenplay brainstorming go yesterday? Did you take five minutes to think of some of the adventures you want you, the hero of the movie about the rest of your life--"The Amazingly, Incredibly, Awesome Adventures of Me"-- starring you-- to have? If you had writer's block, no worries today is a new day with new possibilities for inspiration. You might want to watch this hilarious attempt to cure writer's block while writing a screenplay http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDDFZzTRuqs to get you laughing. Laughter is a great way to open your mind to new possibilities. If you're in a rut, it's difficult to imagine life outside the rut. Laughing stirs up the creative juices. So, get laughing (even if you have to stand in front of the mirror making serious faces at yourself-- nothing makes me laugh more than attempting to look serious) and then start writing. What do you want your life to look like? What are the things, the adventures you want to be living? Climbing mountains? Running marathons? Doing something you love so much that you can't believe people actually pay you to do it? Experiencing such profound and exciting love that you make romance novels read like deodorant ingredients labels. Put it all down. Every adventure, accomplishment, relationship you think you might want to have in your future. Now is not the time for editing or budgeting. Now is the time for imagining what your best possible life looks like.
"Start with the end in mind", says Stephen Covey (an equally bald but much more famous motivational guy than I). The idea is to know where you want to end up so you start out going in the right direction, stay on the correct path, and know when you've gotten there. This is good but it's also important to enjoy the journey and be open to an interesting detour or even a change in destination. If you're driving to L.A., you probably want to detour to the Grand Canyon, even though you get to L.A. later than you would have without the stop. You'll be enriched by the experience and may even be motivated to become a ranger rather than a movie star. Be open to changing your plans and to doing a little meandering. Sometimes meandering takes you where you really want to end up.
"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." (William James) Ah, yes. Overlooking stuff is hard. Mistakes. Shortcomings. Insults. Slights. There's just so much to overlook. You'll never have to worry about running out. You should really be grateful for all the rest of us out here. We are doing our best to give you plenty of chances to be wise-- numerous times a day. Aren't we generous?
"Sell everything. Make the kids think they're next!" (Dave Ramsey) Dave Ramsey gives this advice to people who need money fast to get out of debt. While it's true that money can't buy happiness, it can buy your kid a pair of shoes his toes don't poke through. ("C'mon dad, give me a break. I know what open-toed shoes are and these are not open-toed shoes." "Oh, stop whining! We'll draw a little Nike swoosh on your toenail and everbody will think they're supposed to look that way. You'll be way cool!" ) Money definitely has its place and if you don't have enough of it, things can get pretty tense round the old homestead. (Him: "We don't have any money to go out for our anniversary! Can't you just cook something--pasta--that's cheap-- but no sauce-- and, don't be boiling the water too long--that costs money!" Her: "Well, guess what pal, going out isn't the ONLY thing you WON'T be doing on our anniversary!") Maybe you've had some conversations like this-- except they weren't so funny-- or maybe you're just looking for an opportunity to improve your finanical situation-- or get out of a rut you're stuck in. I can help you get what you want. Just send a reply to this email and tell me you're ready to take action to live a richer more satisfying life. We'll pour some gas on the flickering flame of your desire and turn it into a bonfire of success. We can plug you into a growing new business, with a simple to follow plan for success, and the potential for a quick income boost and long term income growth (if you're interested in this route you can learn more about it by checking out these sites www.theallstarlife.com and www.markdoherty.myzrii.com). Just let me know you want to look at this opportunity and we'll get you everything you need to see if it's for you. Or, we can tailor make a success plan unique to you (building on whatever dream you've been dreaming-- even if you've locked up that dream in the prison of "I could never do that and it's foolish to think about it" and thrown away the key.) OR, we can do both!! Join a growing new business AND tailor make you an individualized success plan. Cool! So, if you wish things were better in your life, now is the time to act to make them better. Act Now! Don't wait till the kids really do think they're next! Email me and let's get started on that better life.
If you have dogs, they're going to poop on the floor-- and always at the worst possible time, right? Come on, nobody says "Oh, if only he'd pooped on the floor on Wednesday at 4pm, then it would have been ok." Let's face it, no time is a good time for dog poop on the floor. It's an unpleasant mess you have to clean up and you're not going to like it no matter when it happens. Such is life. Such are relationships. People ( family, friends, business associates, strangers) are going to have unpleasant messes you need to help them through and your first reaction is going to be "Why did this have to happen now? This is not what I want to do now." But, it actually is what you want to do now, because it's the right thing and it's the thing you'd want them to do for you if the shoe was on the other foot and helping people in need always ends up giving you a better return on your time than whatever else it was you had planned. The trick is switching your thinking from "Why now?" to "Ok, I need to get the poop scoop and get after this mess right now" as quickly as you can.
What's working and what's not working in your life? Do you ever stop and ask yourself this question? Or, do you just roll along doing what you do over and over without thinking about whether your thoughts, words, and actions are making you the person you want to be? Leading you towards the goals you want to reach? If you're feeling unhappy, or unfulfilled, or overwhelmed, something is definitely NOT working. You can gripe and moan about your sad state or you can take a look at your thought patterns, your relationships, and your activities and determine what you need to do differently. It's pretty simple: more of what's working, less of what's not. But, if you never answer the question "what's working and what's not" you won't know the difference-- and, nothing will change.
"Effective priority management creates freedom." (Denis Waitley) Well, it doesn't really create freedom. Freedom is inherent in our created nature. Priority management is an exercise of freedom. It's a decision to make your day to day, moment to moment decisions in a way that is consistent with previous decisions you've made about what's important to you. If you don't take the time to decide what's important to you, then your life will seem like a paper cup blowing in the wind-- going everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. If you don't have your own priorities, you'll constantly be living according to someone else's and that isn't any fun-- at least not for you.
My wife wants a personal flying machine. Something between a lawn chair with helium balloons attached to it and a Lear Jet. Maybe a jet pack to strap to her back. This is very cool. (Though I may have to get myself a human-sized butterfly net and run around underneath her for my own peace of mind). She asked, "Where do I start?" "The Experimental Aircraft Association," I said. The EAA has been supporting people who want to fly in unusual contraptions for a long time. No matter what you want to do, chances are there are other people doing it or trying to do it, or who have done it and written about how they did it. There is a way to do what you want to do and there are people who will help you do it. People who will encourage you. People who will teach you the skills. People who will run around on the ground with a net to catch you if you fall so you can get up and try again. If you stop and think a minute, you can find those people. If you're stumped, ask me. I can help. Don't give up on a dream because you can't figure out the first step, or the next step, to take. [NOTE: Some subscribers have reported that the links below aren't working. My web folks will have that figured out and corrected soon. If you have a problem with the links, please let me know.]
Life is fun. If your reaction to this statement was to scream something your mom would wash your mouth out with soap for having said, then you need rehab --- fun rehab. You need to start laughing -- I mean real laughing-- not cynical "I'm so superior because I can laugh at how terrible and stupid all these people who are making my life miserable are" laughing. That's not laughing. That's drinking gasoline and calling it champagne. It'll kill you because it's poison no matter what you call it. No, real laughing is arming your kids (or your spouse) with squirt guns and telling them to hide and attack you without warning when you come home from work or blowing bubbles and trying to catch them on your nose, or sliding around in your socks on a hardwood floor. You get the idea. Something stupid and immature. Maturity has no place in fun rehab.
My friend John and his adult son, Vince, demonstrated my point from yesterday (get yourself laughing by doing something a five year old would do) by getting into a water fight with garden hoses. They got soaked and we, not so innocent bystanders, got doused in the crossfire as well. It was hilarious and refreshing-- both the laughing and the cool water on a 90-degree day. Thanks guys. Your wanton lack of maturity is an example to us all. If you don't have someone to get into a water fight with you can still get yourself laughing (remember we're talking about fun rehab-- a program to get you to believe, and feel like, life is fun, with step one being to get yourself laughing.) I like the "why so serious?" technique-- where I look in the mirror (which is pretty funny all by itself) and try to look serious. This is impossible and always ends in hilarity. Give it a try.
I've said many times that relationship building (whether for friendship, business, or romance) is like burglary-- you have to check the windows periodically to see if they're unlocked. We all go through a constant cycle of locked- unlocked- locked- unlocked as events and emotions change in our lives. People may seem mostly locked up most of the time but you never know when they're going to be open. If you give up, and don't check them regularly, you'll miss the chance to get in. This will be bad for you and for them. When you find the window open, use the opportunity to learn more about the person-- what they see their needs to be-- and show an interest and take some action toward helping them meet one of those needs. When you go back, the window may be locked again but don't be discouraged. Keep checking. When its' open again, you can build on what you did the last time. Don't fret about the locked windows. There will be enough open ones to satisfy you-- as long as you are committed to repeatedly checking them all.
"Make each day your masterpiece." (John Wooden) Everyday begins with the prospect of creating a work of great beauty. A masterpiece requires both a plan (a fairly clear idea of what you want it to look like) and the flexibility to adapt your plan to the inspirations that come to you as you progress through the day. It also requires belief. Belief in yourself that you can create a masterpiece. Is your day going to be a masterpiece? What would it take to make it one? What does a masterpiece of a day look like for you? Decide now what you want today to look like and commit yourself to making it so. You are the Rembrandt of your day. Don't settle for schlock.
I don't understand serious people. You know who they are. The people who come to the banquet of life and act like the only thing on the menu is dog poop. People who think joy is a vice. "Life is serious business," they say. For them "fun" is a synonym for "unproductive." These people are always striving to clean their plates and never enjoying a single bite. I'd like to help them but they're never going to listen to a guy whose motto is "Fun First!" I need to develop a sneakier plan. Maybe a course called "How to Make Those Annoying Happy People See the Truth and Be Miserable Like They Should Be." The course would start with a "know your enemy" segment where I detailed what makes happy people happy and convince the serious students they have to actually become happy in order to learn how to "fix" happy people-- "Unless, you know everything about your enemy, you will not be able to defeat him. You must make the sacrifice and actually become happy, or you will fail in your mission to fix him." You never know, it might work.
"Make friendship a fine art." (John Wooden) If you devote your life to being a friend, you'll never want for anything. Being a friend means giving someone what they need instead of what you want to give them. This requires paying attention, listening, and shutting-up. It takes time. It takes commitment. It takes actually caring about the other person for their own sake and not just for how they relate to you. It's the great paradox. Your life becomes better the more you care about others and the less you care about you.
"The ultimate reason for setting goals is to entice you to become the person it takes to achieve them." (Jim Rohn) When you reach a goal, you have changed and you retain that change. When you climb the mountain, or earn the black belt, or write the novel, you're different than you were before. You've persevered, endured difficulties, overcome obstacles. Your ability to do these things is confirmed in you and can be drawn on to meet anything else that comes along. You become more effective at everything whenever you achieve something.
Our dog, Diego, breathed his last last night. That's two dogs put down in six months for us. I don't want to dwell on that though. What I loved most about Diego was that despite the fact he was 11-years old and weighed 120 lbs, he really never quit being a puppy. He'd run around chasing moths, jump up in the air with all four feet off the ground, and carry big logs around in his mouth like they were cigars. Diego had no need for a doggie pyschiatrist. "No Worries" was definitely his motto. I'll miss his example of carefree living.
Don't worry about being misunderstood. This is one of my core principles for living a fulfilling life. When you do good for someone, they may wonder what you're really after. It might not be within their experience that a person could just enjoy giving. To them, a gift or act of generosity or caring is always just bait to lure them into a trap- a way for you to get something from them. I used to let this stop me-- this fear of being thought to have evil motives. Finally, I realized that time would tell that I didn't and, anyway, it's not about me in the first place. I have had a lot more fun since adopting this principle.
It's my birthday. I love birthdays. Mine, yours, anybody's. It's a great reason to celebrate. In fact, there's no real reason to limit your celebrating to just your own birthday. Every day is somebody's birthday. It's kind of selfish to only celebrate your own. So, today, celebrate mine. Don't selfishly wait till your own birthday to have a good time. Tomorrow, is fellow reader Michael's birthday. I know he'd want you to celebrate his as well. That should get you started on your path to daily celebration. Life is great cause for celebration. Take every opportunity to celebrate it.
Yesterday was my birthday, which means today you get to watch the newest film in the Chronicles of Mark series which my dear children made for my birthday. This'll get your day started with some hearty laughter. Here's the link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjjFDTOibIg Thanks to Jim Graber for the excellent soundtrack music and to Sandi Ware for the beautiful family portrait featured in the intro.
"If we magnified blessings as much as we magnify disappointments, we would all be much happier." (John Wooden) We see our blessings about as well as we see Pluto without a telescope while we crank up the power on the microscope on our disappointments so we can see every cell vividly. This is dumb. Disappointments happen but they have to be kept in context. If you're experiencing disappointment, there's good news. It means you're not dead. Since you're not dead, you can take action. Since you can take action, you can do something to get you over your disappointment. Start by thinking about what you're grateful for. If it's a person, go see them or call them. If it's an activity, go do it. Gratitude shrinks disappointment in a hurry.