FUN FIRST!

Daily Encouragement for Better Living

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JUNE, 2010

"I wasn't quite as sick as I let on." Doc Holliday says this in the movie "Tombstone" to Wyatt Earp after Doc snuck out of his deathbed and fought (and won) a gunfight that was supposed to be fought by Earp. Doc knew Earp couldn't win the fight so he beat him to the appointed spot and dispatched the opponent before Earp arrived for his certain death. It's a great depiction of friendship. Doc actually was dying. Rather than wallowing in self-pity about his impending demise, he roused himself to save his friend. How often do we fail to see the need of someone else because we are so absorbed by our own problems? Doc knew his skill with the gun was Wyatt's only hope. The situations we face are probably not going to be quite as dramatic but the concept is the same. We each possess something that at any given moment might be the only hope for the situation someone else is in. It would be a shame not to give it to them just because we were so self-absorbed we didn't notice we had what they needed.
"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." (Einstein) A different result requires a different approach and a different approach may seem impossible or just ridiculous. "So, I'm going to talk into this thing here and somebody on the other side of the world is going to hear me almost immediately out of another thing over there. That's too crazy." The proper response to a strange idea might not be "it's too crazy" but rather "is it crazy enough?" The commonplace of our lives is made up of the products of the crazy ideas of those who came before us. The commonplace of the future will come from the crazy ideas of today. Do your part. Be crazy.
One of my favorite quotes is from former Major League Baseball pitcher Orel Hershiser: "They pay the guys with the bats too." He said this while trying to explain to reporters how the fact he'd just lost a game didn't mean he had pitched badly. Sometimes you can pitch badly and still win because even though your pitches didn't do what they were supposed to do the hitters only hit them to your fielders. Other times, you can throw exactly the pitches you want but the hitters will find a way to hit them to open spots on the field anyway. Over time, if you consistently throw good pitches you are going to be more successful than not. But, that doesn't mean you'll succeed every time. Good hitters can hit even the best pitches sometimes. It's important not to let a bad result get to you. You can't control the result. You can only control your actions. If you continue to perfect your skills, good results will outweigh the bad ones.
"The times are bad! The times are troublesome! This is what humans say. But we are our times. Let us live well and our times will be good. Such as we are, such are our times." (St. Augustine) For some reason, we want to think we live in the worst of times. That the stupidity and immorality of our fellow humans has hit some kind of all-time low at this particular point in history and that this is making us worse off than anybody has ever been. St. Augustine's contemporaries thought the same and he hit the nail on the head for them, and, for us. Bemoaning the horribleness of the times is just excuse making. Live well and your times will be good. Encourage others to live well and their times will be good. Take responsibility for the quality of your life. Such as you are, such as you choose to be and act, such is your life.
Every now and then I try to take myself seriously-- it's always good for a laugh. I can't really do it. I'm just too ridiculous. This is a good thing and I have medical evidence. [Well, I have a guy who says he has medical evidence. Having my own medical evidence would have been way too much work!] Dr. Cliff Kuhn, at natural-humor-medicine.com, says research, and his experience, prove that when you take yourself too seriously you can't function at the levels needed to rise above mediocrity. A person who takes himself seriously is always focused on himself, won't admit and learn from mistakes, and won't listen and learn from others. Since learning from mistakes and other people's ideas and experiences are building blocks for success, the serious person is denying himself essential components of an abundant life. So, are you taking yourself too seriously? Here's a test: You are trying to walk into a building and you crash into the large window next to the door, mistaking it for the door, with a large and painful thud. You quickly look around to see if anyone saw your stupid maneuver because a) you hope no one saw you being stupid and you want to avoid embarassment or b) you hope lots of people saw you being stupid and they are all laughing or trying to keep from laughing because they think they shouldn't laugh which you, of course, find very funny in itself.
Leisure has a bad name in American culture. Maybe because of the "leisure suit" a hideous men's fashion atrocity of the 1970's which singlehandedly destroyed the dignity of men, who, though made in the image of God, appeared more like an organ-grinder's monkey when clothed in a leisure suit. [My apologies to my younger readers who may have to search the internet to see what an organ-grinder's monkey looks like. DO NOT, no matter how strong the temptation, search to see what a leisure suit looks like. No amount of counselling will free you from the trauma of having that image seared in your mind.] Wow! That was an impressive digression--even for me. Leisure is defined as "the freedom from work or duty." Leisure is when you refresh yourself: think, pray, rest, read, play the piano, go to the driving range, shoot trap-- do things that relax you and free your mind. Do the things that only humans can do. And, since most of my dear readers are American, I will add that spending time in leisure will actually make the time you spend on work and duty more productive. So,there. Now you have an excuse to act like a human instead of a machine.
"This is what young people are seeking. This is the secret for any community intent on authentic renewal. Young eyes need to see something bright and beautiful. How sad when their longings and excitment are met with indifference and unbelief." (Fr. Glenn Sudano, C.F.R.) Fr. Glenn was talking about life in religious communities but his statement is true for other aspects of life as well. It's not enough to tell young people what's wrong in the world and to avoid it. They need to see what's bright and beautiful in life and be encouraged to add to that brightness and beauty. You can't build a future on what you don't do. At least not a future anybody wants to live.
Life is like baseball. In baseball, a foul ball can injure an innocent bystander-- smack 'em right in the head. It can be fatal. In life, a foul mood can do the same. Foul words can change a fan into a casualty and kill-off a relationship in no time. In baseball, you can't necessarily control whether you hit a foul ball or not. But, in life, we have control over our moods and our speech. A joyful mood and charitable words will make people want to cheer you on and everyone will enjoy the game a lot more.
"One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." (Luciano Pavarotti) True. So true. The good thing about eating is we have to do it. We'd pass out eventually if we didn't. Spiritual, mental, and emotional nourishment are equally necessary. They just aren't as insistent. They don't have the hammer of physical collapse to pound us with if we ignore them. The ill effects of ignoring them take longer to develop than starvation. Here's an idea. Next time you feed your face feed one of the other needs as well. Pray. Converse pleasantly (no griping or complaining) with a friend or family. Read something inspirational. Listen to some uplifting music. If you develop the habit of feeding these needs while you feed your body, you'll be healthier all around.
My garage has become a vehicular prison. The door broke and the cars are now serving an indeterminate sentence. No one knows when they'll be free. Normally, that closed door is a good thing. It protects the cars, lawnmower, etc. from bad weather and at least slows down someone who wants to steal something. But, jammed in the down position, it makes the cars completely useless for their intended purpose-- driving to the coffee shop. Parents are kind of like garage doors. They protect their kids and open them to the outside world as is appropriate for them to venture out and live the lives intended for them. But, if parents get stuck in the down position, saying "no" to everything, not allowing any risk, the kids become like my cars today: unable to do what they were created for. Parents, make sure you are functioning properly, not jammed shut. Let your kids benefit from your protection, but also, let them get out of the garage to chase their dreams and change the world.
Brain Tracy advises taking time off from work and during those times absolutley refusing to do anything associated with work. He says: "Let your brain completely recharge and rejuvenate by turning your attention to something totally separate and apart from the work you do during the week." We need to open our minds to different stimualtion (and sometimes no stimulation) and let them play. This allows us to think new thoughts and new thoughts are where progress is born. Many a problem can be solved by not thinking about it for a while and taking a walk in the woods or lying on the beach.
Abraham Lincoln said: "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." What he didn't say is the people we fool the most are ourselves. We get stuck in a rut and tell ourselves we can't get out. We convince ourselves that the way it is, is the only way it can ever be. We shamelessly lie to ourselves about the sorry state of the life we are trapped in and gullibly believe every word. If we're honest, we have to recognize we are not stuck. Change is only a choice away. We may not be able to avoid fooling ourselves completely but at least we can move into the "some of the time" category. If we pay attention to our thoughts, we ought to be able to catch ourselves so we don't stay fooled for very long.
"If you love people, the world will change." This is one of my basic FunFirst! principles of living a good life. Love doesn't mean having a nice feeling about other people. ["Isn't that a nice young man hanging by his fingertips from the ledge of that cliff. I hope he has a nice day."] Love is an action not a feeling. Love is leaning over the cliff, grabbing the cliffhanger's arm, and saying "If you fall, I fall and I'm not falling." Love requires risk for the sake of others. Anything else is just pretending.
"You can have anything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want." (Zig Ziglar) Helping people meet their needs, satisfy their desires, and solve their problems is the key to a successful life. This is easy, if you take your focus off yourself and put it on others. That's why it's hard. Focusing on someone other than yourself can be a challenge, but if you do it, you'll be richly rewarded in all you do.
A guy told me many years ago that he would buy a lottery ticket every six months or so. "If God wants to give me a lot of money, I don't want to make Him have to drop it out of the sky," he said. Last I knew, God had not chosen to give him a lot of money via the lottery ticket method. A better method is developing a heart for other people. When you start acting on a desire to help others improve their lives, you are on the path to success-- financial, and otherwise. While I don't doubt God's ability to use a lottery ticket, I think the "love your neighbor" method's got a better track record.
A friend of mine was having problems with her hand. Lots of pain. When I saw her I asked, "How's your hand?" "Good. Now I've got a problem with my foot. I was dancing with my mom and sisters at my sister's wedding. My mom lost her balance and stepped on the top of my foot with her high heel. Made me forget about my hand. Thanks mom!" That's one approach to helping someone with a problem. Create a worse one to divert their attention. Set their house on fire so the broken storm door doesn't seem so bad. While we wouldn't intentionally do this, our "helping" can have this effect if we're not careful. It's easy to overload people with advice and assail them with "helpful" criticism. Usually, the best thing you can do is shut up and listen. People have an amazing capacity to solve their own problems if you give them a chance to talk through them. Listening and asking nonjudgmental questions is the best thing you can do. Leave your high heels in the closet. That's what I do. They hurt my back.
It's a beautiful morning and I'm sitting outside on the lulio. What's a lulio? When my wife was little, she didn't like the fact that her parents called the concrete slab off the back of their house "the patio." My wife had a sister named Patti and believed calling it "the patio" was an unfair homage to Patti. Therefore, my wife, who her parents called LuAnn, started calling the patio "the lulio" in honor of herself. That's a great childlike maneuver. If you don't like something the way it is, use your imagination and make it something else. We can all benefit from a little renaming. If we start calling problems opportuinites and mistakes education, we'll see everthing that happens more positively and not get bogged down on our journey to success. This is a good thing to ponder-- while you're enjoying a beautiful morning on your lulio.
Today is the 195th anniversary of the defeat of Napoleon [Bonaparte not Dynamite] and his armies at the Battle of Waterloo. This defeat ushered the cliche "He met his Waterloo" or "He'll meet his Waterloo" into the lexicon. [I recently learned that "lexicon" is a fancy word for language and has absolutley nothing to do with small, imaginary Irishmen with pots of gold.] "Meeting his Waterloo" is usually used to describe an event that's perceived as bringing a final end to someone's grandeous plan-- the end of a huge, ego-driven project-- that the person should have seen as foolish from the beginning. The problem is it's hard to tell at the beginning if you're planning Waterloo or D-Day 1944-- both required a grand plan. That's why it's best to make your plan and start executing it while keeping a watchful eye for signs it needs to be changed. If your flexible, and your ego is detached enough from your "brilliant" plan, that you can listen to others and modify it if necessary, your chances of succeeding are good. If you're stubborn, and set in your ways, you might just become a cliche for self-destructive egomania.
"Enjoy the moment" is a key component to Fun First Living. This requires paying attention. If you're distracted by some negative thought, you're not paying attention to the gift of the moment and it will slip by without being spent the way you really want to spend it. Treat each moment like it's a gold coin (worth about $1260.00 per oz as of yesterday.) Spend it on what's important to you. Don't let it vanish unnoticed and unenjoyed like a coin disappearing through a hole in your pocket. [I discovered, as I was about to send today's Fathers' Day email, that I'd written this yesterday but forgot to send it out. Being me is an ongoing adventure!!]
It's Fathers' Day and I want to take this opportunity to thank my children for making me look like I know what I am doing. They are all exceptional human beings and its an honor to be their father. I remember, when each of them was born, thinking "I am responsible for this little person and I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. God please help me!" Now, they are no longer little people and I still don't know what I am doing, but they are all bright, creative, funny, good, caring people. I attribute it mostly to their mother-- and the "God help me!" prayer I just mentioned. One answer to the "God help me prayer" was gaining the understanding that God made each of them to be their own, unique person-- to make their own unique contribution to transforming the world. My role is to recognize this, encourage them to find and follow that call, and get out of the way. Staying out of the way is one of my main life goals.
Positive thinking isn't magic. It's not sitting in a locked room and believing $10 million is going to appear next to you and having it appear. Positive thinking is a tool to transform yourself. As you change, you start to see the possibilities and opportunities that can bring you that $10 million (or whatever it is you want). You still have to move. Being positively inert is not going to get you anywhere.
I once attended an options trading seminar. A bunch of the attendees were sitting together at lunch talking about various trades they'd made. Some trades were profitable some weren't. Everyone was engrossed in the conversation. Just for fun I injected: "The good thing is . . . it's only money." Dead silence. Then the conversation resumed as if I hadn't spoken. "It's only money" was an alien concept. Money is a wonderful tool for living but it is not a reason for living. If you spend all your time thinking about, talking about, and trying to acquire more screwdrivers, people will think you are nuts. You're just as nuts if you're doing it for money. You want to decide what you wnat your life to look like and then figure out the tools you need to get there. Money may be one of those tools. Knowledge, wisdom, integrity, perseverence, charity, generosity are some others. You can build a better life on the latter ones than you can on money alone.
I'm drinking coffee and enjoying a morning thunderstorm. I loved thunderstorms when I was a kid. Then, shortly after buying a house, a huge storm hit and flooded my basement. I no longer enjoyed thunderstorms. I wasted a lot of good storms worrying whether my house was going to flood. Finally, I realized that storms weren't the problem. I was the problem. In fact, close analysis of all my problems has revealed that, I am the problem in every instance. This is good because now I know how to solve my problems-- change my thinking, change my actions. How simple is that? I have no control over how much rain is going to get dumped on me at any given time in my life. What I can control is how prepared I am for it when it comes, the attitude I face it with, and what I do when it hits. Being prepared and having the right attitude greatly improve the action you take when faced with adversity. Knowing this is why I am enjoying the thunderstorm this morning.
Ever go out of your way to do something for someone, get them a nice gift or something and have them not even acknowledge you'd done it? Did you think: "What an ingrate! I'll never do anything for them again!" Well, I guess it wasn't really a gift you were giving them then, was it? It was just a payment in anticipation of receiving something back. You were mad because you gave the ice cream man your money and he never gave you the ice cream cone. If you are looking for a return from anything you do, what you are doing is not really a gift. You're just trying to enter a contract to receive a benefit for yourself. Generosity, kindness, selflessness are all their own reward. If you see them as a way to get a "better" reward, you're going to be disappointed.
Stuff. Our lives are filled with stuff. Big stuff, small stuff, expensive stuff, cheap stuff. Stuff. Since we are material, as well as spiritual, beings we need stuff to survive. Somehow we've moved from survival to near suffocation. Taking care of our stuff becomes more time-consuming than our fulltime jobs. We have to rent storage space to keep the stuff that doesn't fit in our houses. We seem to acquire stuff without any particular purpose. Take some time and evalute your relationship to stuff. Is it a healthy one or is it dysfunctional? If it's dysfunctional guess what? Stuff isn't going to do anything to fix it.
Me:"What is it you like about the book?" Her: "It's such a great romance. The hero is so romantic. I want him. My husband read the book while we were on vacation. I was surprised. Normally he just reads "how to be a better salesman." He couldn't put it down. He thought it was great." Me: "Did it make him more romantic?" Her (laughing in the way wives laugh about these things): "No. It didn't. My poor husband." [For you single guys out there, "my poor husband" means "He doesn't get it. He is clueless about this. He doesn't understand what I want. He's probably never going to understand. And, since I love him, I'm just going to live with it and laugh about it in this wistful kind of way, and maintain the faintest hope that some day he will get it."] As husbands, it's tempting to just give up and say "I'm never going to figure out what she wants." That may prove to be true but the effort to figure it out can be rewarding in and of itself if you don't allow yourself to get frustrated by the process. Listening. Observing. Trying. Listening some more. Observing some more. Trying some more. It's fun. It's a challenge. Like mountain climbing. You may or may not make it to the top but the climb will bring out the best in you if you commit to give it all you got.
A friend will come to get you when you are in the pit of despair even though they know it's filled with spiders and slimy things they'd rather not touch. Friendship is not afraid of the dark.
The "period" key on the computer is sticking so sometimes I get no period and sometimes I get two.. This is particularly problematic in the internet age because you can't send anyone an email or go to a website without a period before the com, and, likewise, you can't do any of those things if you put two periods before the com. It's a nice reminder that our lives are filled with things and people we rely on. I never gave the period key a second thought till it quit working right Take a moment to think about someone you consistenly rely on and thank them. It's better for everyone when you recognize others for what they are doing right, rather than waiting till they malfunction to notice them.
"If you spend $5 a day on a latte, that's $1825 per year. If you saved that money, at 5% for 40 years it would amount to $233,307.57. Do you still want that latte?" Absolutely. This scenario is a standard one used by speakers to get people to think about the time value of money, how money saved can grow over time, which is a valuable thing to know. The problem is a lot of people just see it as an admonition to not spend money on "frivolous" things. What's important is making free, informed, conscious choices. One of my goals is to live in a way that allows me to be generous-- today-- not at some time in the future when I can give away huge sums of money I've saved. If I needed to forego buying a daily coffee to be in a position to do that, I would, because that's important to me. I'm not going to forego it, so I can have $233,307.57 when I'm 90, because that is not important to me. Decide what's important to you and spend your time and money accordingly. Don't let other people dictate what you do or don't do. But don't just slide along without making concious decisions either. That's just a more subtle way of letting others tell you what to do.
"The jungle is neutral. It is your knowledge, attitude, skills and habits that see you through. The jungle is what it is. It doesn't think. It is the backdrop for your journey." (Col. Spencer Chapman) Our surrounding circumstances, whether hospitable or not, are just the setting in which we live. Sometimes we can change the setting. Often we just need to adapt. Find a way to use the circumstances to our advantage. Change or adapt- these are our only options. Whining until things get better is not an option. Things never get better for whiners.