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JANUARY, 2010

•  Happy New Year!  Yesterday you took your first small step toward reaching a goal.  Today, it's time for the 5-step list.  Make a list of the next 5 small steps you will take toward achieving your goals.  Step 5 should always be to make a new 5 step list.  Do one step per day.  If you can't do a step in a day it's probably not small enough.  Set your steps really, really small.  As you get rolling, it will get easier.  The idea is to make the steps easily achievable so you build momentum and can see yourself progressing.  For example, if the life goals you are working on are writing a book and getting physically fit your first list might look like: 1) spend 5 minutes thinking of possible topics for a book; 2) spend 5 minutes visualizing what "fit" looks like for you; 3) think about whether to join a gym, hire a personal trainer, develop your own program, etc. 4) think about how much time you are going to devote each day or week to working on your book; 5) make a new 5 step list.  As you progress your list might be: 1) write for 1/2 an hour; 2) do upper body weight lifting routine; 3) find source of info for ____ topic for book; 4) shop for food in my nutrition plan; 5) make a new 5 step list.  Tailor your list to your current situation.  It's very important to make the steps easy for you.  Don't set them where you think you "should" be.  Set them easy where you are.
•  When I get in my car and start driving on these winter mornings, I sound like a fan at a Miami Heat home basketball game: "Come onnnnn Heat!  Let's go Heat!  Let's go Heat!  Come onnnnnn Heat!"  It doesn't work though.  The car doesn't get warm any sooner than if I just sat there with my teeth chattering.  But, it does keep me amused and I'm sure the passing drivers are also entertained by my seen, but unheard, screaming.  As I've said many times, being easily amused is one of the foundations to a happy life.  If you can crack yourself up, you'll never be bored. 
•  Today is the Christian feast of the Epiphany commemorating the revelation to the three wise men that the Messiah had arrived.  It's a good time for all Christians to ask themselves whether other people are seeing Christ revealed in them.  Chances are the answer is not nearly as much as we'd like.  Christ is giving up everything for the good of somebody else.  We aren't very good at this.  We're better at observing what other people need to do differently.  Francis of Assisi is quoted as saying "Preach the Gospel at all times.  If necessary, use words."  The more we live as Christ the less we'll need to say to convince people who He is.  
•  "Is it not sheer madness to live poor to die rich?" (Juvenal)  It's better to live rich.  I don't mean beyond your financial means.  Living rich means living fully.  Enjoying the people and other good things that cross your path.  It's too easy to put off enjoying the moment.  To be a joy miser. Refusing to experience any joy until all your "duties" are done, which they never are.  If you're a money miser, at least you can leave your money to somebody else to enjoy when you're dead.  If you're a joy miser, you don't leave anybody anything.  The only way to leave a legacy of joy is to be a joy spendthrift from this day forward.  Live rich.  Die rich.  That's my plan.
•  Don't say "they should."  Ask "how can I?"  If you want something to be different, do what you can to make it so.  Thinking about what other people should do is not very useful.
•  A kind word enriches both giver and receiver.  See how many people you can enrich today and enjoy the wealth of joy it brings you.
•  A few days ago I set out the small step approach to reaching your goals.  Breaking your goals down into tiny, easy to achieve steps can help you make consistent progress.  Here's something else to remember, the two requirements of success are: 1) Start. 2) Don't quit.  Pretty simple, eh?   
•  Life is like receiving a bottle of fine wine every day.  You can look forward to enjoying its contents or you can gripe about how hard it is to remove the cork.  Don't focus on obstacles.  Focus on the richness that awaits you on the other side of them.
•  I read a story about Civil War re-enactors.  One guy specialized in looking like a dead body that had been lying on the battlefield for a few days.  He referred to it as "doing the bloat."  Playing dead on the outside, as a hobby, is ok but being dead on the inside while your body goes through the motions of life is a different matter.  If you're feeling lifeless on the inside, make a list of the things you're grateful for (each of your friends, your favoite music,playing basketball, etc.)  For each thing, write a way you can enjoy that particular thing even more (Talk to a friend everyday, listen to your favorite song first thing in the morning, go to the gym every day and shoot around.)  Then, pick one and do it or decide when you are going to do it (a specific date and time) nad when the appointed time comes do it.  If you pick a couple things off the list every day, and do them, you'll be feeling lively in no time and your list, and joy, will be ever expanding.
•  I started playing the guitar again after a multi-decade layoff.  It's like riding a bike.  I remember how to do it but I'm a long way from being ready for the Tour de France.  I expect to get better.  I might even become good.  When I was younger, my self-esteem was too weak to allow me to enjoy the guitar.  I could only see how good I wasn't.  Now that I'm not looking for the guitar to bring me acclaim, or prove I have value, it's a lot more fun.  It's like a relationship-- a lot more fun if you're just enjoying the other person and not expecting them to erase your perceived inadequacies or feed your ego.
•  One of my goals for this year is to enjoy more music, art and beauty.  My first small step was to spend a few minutes searching the web to see if there was an "all Mozart" channel I could listen to over the internet.  I did five minutes one day and didn't find what I wanted.  The next day I found it within a couple minutes.  Accuradio.com has a way to listen to just Mozart.  My next step was to put a daily reminder on my calendar to log on and listen.  Now, I see the reminder each morning, log on, and enjoy Mozart throughout the day.  This is something I've wanted to do for a while but never did because I never wrote it down as a goal and didn't make a small-step list to make it happen.  Once I did, I accomplished what I wanted very quickly.  This will work for your unfulfilled goals as well.  Write them down.  Then decide on the small steps needed to move you toward them.
•  Laugh at your own mistakes.  Why should everyone else have all the fun?  I mean, it's YOUR mistake after all.  None of them did anything to earn a laugh.  You did it all on your own.  You deserve to reap the benefit.  Step up and seize what is rightfully yours.
•  "Hopeless Romantic"  Who coined that phrase?  Had to be somebody really boring.  I looked up "romance" in the dictionary and found even it had a glaring inconsistency.  "Romance" is defined as "A sort of novel whose interest lies not so much in the depiction or analysis of real life or character as in adventure, surprising incident or the like."  Whoa there Dictionary Writer.  Adventure.  Surprising incident.  Isn't that real life?  The same dictionary defines "adventure" as " a remarkable experience, a striking event, a stirring or novel incident."  What?  These things don't occur in real life?  Wow!  Glad I'm living an unreal life.  To me life is full of "adventure, surprising incident, and the like."  I'm definitely a romantic.  I just think "romantic" and "realist"mean the same thing.  I am a hopeful romantic and those hopes are fulfilled quite regularly.  If you expect boring, you'll find it.  Better to look for something else.
•  You can't put your cellphone on silent mode when you have a two-year old.  Why?  You won't be able to find it after the two-year old carries it off and leaves it in one of those obscure places only a two-year old can find.  When you call it to see where it is it won't tell you.  It will just lie silently in the bottom of the dog food container, or in an old shoe in the back of your closet, or inside your washing machine preparing to be drowned when the next load goes in on top of it.  Things walk away when you have a two-year old.  This is a fact that cannot be changed no matter how much you want it to.  Some things in life are like this.  Other people for example.  You can't change them.  All you can do is prepare to deal with them as they are.  Don't waste your time wishing they were different.  That's like asking the two-year old where the phone is.  It only gets you frustrated.
•  "You look like Moby," a friend told me yesterday.  Now, it's true that I'm certainly pale enough to resemble the great white whale, but I'm not quite large enough, even with the holidays just wrapping up.  "He's a singer." "Oh."  I found Moby's pic on the internet and I must say that with his glasses on he does look a bit like me or at least like a younger version of me.  I'm sure he doesn't sound like me.  His music career would have ended before it began.  While it's entertaining to find a "famous" person who looks like me, I'm a lot more interested in what I'm doing with my life than with who I look like.  Looking like Moby isn't going to make me famous or, more importantly, make me excel at being the person I was made to be.  Pursuing my calling is what gets me excited, not the fact I look like Moby.  Unless, of course, they happen to have a "What will Moby look like in 25 years" contest . . . with prize money.  I'd be all over that.
•  When I was younger, I was involved in politics.  I wanted to be the governor of Illinois.  I changed my mind because I didn't like the retirement plan-- federal prison.  That's not exactly true.  I changed my career path before federal prosecution of the state's ex-governors became commonplace.  I simply realized I didn't have what it takes to be successful in politics.  [In keeping with the positive tone of these emails I will not get into what it takes to be successful in politics.]  The good news is I learned at age 20 I'd made a mistake getting into politics.  I'm very grateful for this.  Mistakes are a gift if you make them quickly and learn from them.  In fact, with any new undertaking you want to accelerate your mistake-making so you can get more quickly to the succeeding or moving on to something else part.  Instead of being upset when you make a mistake say "thanks" and move on.  If you spend all your time trying to justify your mistakes or pretending you didn't make them, or blaming them on someone else, you'll never get anywhere.
•  What's your calling? It's something you feel a strong desire to accomplish. It's something you excel or know you could excel at. It's something that gives you pleasure and satisfaction but also does something for others. (I thought mine was eating chocolate chip cookies but that doesn't do much for anybody else except maybe the Nestle company!). If you think for a little bit, you'll get an inkling of what it is. It may be something you can make a living at. It may not.  But, you still need to find a way to do it. Chances are it's gnawing on your insides trying to get out. Stop and take some time to think about your calling. Finding it and living it are keys to living a fulfilled life.
•  Today is the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday.  He is often remembered for his "I Have a Dream" speech.  It was a big dream and Dr. King lived each day to make it happen. He inspired many others to pursue his dream as well. Do you have a dream? Are you living like it’s important to you?Dreaming is good but acting on your dream each day, taking the small steps, is what brings your dream to life.  Dream big and live accordingly.
•  I once saw a hilarious cartoon.  A doctor is looking at an xray.  Across the desk is his patient, Kermit the Frog.  The doctor says "What I'm about to tell you may come as a big shock . . .".  The xray, which Kermit can't see yet, shows the outline of Kermit's body, and inside it the skeltal image of a human arm and hand, the puppeteer who causes Kermit's every move.  Poor Kermit, he's about to learn someone else is running his life.  How about you?  Is someone else inside your head directing your actions?  Some voice from the past (or the present) telling you that you can't achieve something you want to achieve?  Kermit is pretty well stuck.  He really is just a puppet.  You don't have to suffer the same fate.
•  Never be a "grown-up." It's ok to be responsible but don't be dull while you're doing it.  Take a lesson from kids.  They can have fun doing anything.  They just know how to make a game of it.  Try it.  Turn annoyances into a game.  Write down a prediction of the time you'll hear the 3rd "it's not fair" from your kids today.  Or predict the number of times your boss will interrupt you to tell you something you already know.  Anything you find annoying can be turned into a source of amusement if you find a way to play with it.  Be creative. 
•  I have said several times in these emails that Fun First! does not mean "Fun Always."  Sometimes things happen that are not any fun at all.  When they do, I don't advocate pretending like they are.  When something sad happens go ahead and be sad.  I just left the vet after putting down one of our dogs.  She's been with us a long time and losing her makes me unhappy.  Tomorrow will be better but today is a sad one.
•  The practice of painting over an existing art work and putting a new one on top of it seems wrong to me.  I can understand the original artist tinkering with a work in the process of creating it by re-painting parts of it. But to acquire a painting simply to paint something else over it, burying the original work, seems like a desecration.  This happens to us as well.  We start out wonderfully created but have people slop paint all over us trying to make us into something they think we should be.  The "new" work never matches the original.  How about you?  Got some layers somebody else threw on you getting in the way of displaying the true you?  The good news is you can scrape off that paint and find the original masterpiece.  You'll be quite pleased by what you find underneath.  
•  This week was one of those weeks where some of the goals I set at the beginning of the week went unaccomplished.  If I'd made being sick and putting my dog down as my goals, I would have nailed them no problem.  But, I didn't really want to do those things.  Being sick just happened and the dog was a difficult, but inevitable event, whose time had come.  Such is life.  It doesn't always go according to plan.  That's when you need to remember the two keys to success: 1) Start. 2) Don't quit.  Some of yesterday's goals are now today's goals.  Time to get at 'em.
•  A friend is a mirror that let's people see clearly what's good about themselves.  A good mirror isn't looking to be noticed for itself. 
•  I like to say that relating to people is a lot like burglary.  You've got to check for open windows.  Most of the time people will be locked up and you won't get inside.  But, you have to keep checking.  Every now and then they'll be open and you can reach the valuables inside them.  Never give up.  Just because they've never been open before doesn't mean they won't be now.  Engage them.  Ask questions.  Be ready.
•  Today is Mozart's birthday. What an incredible genius.  His music is breathtakingly beautiful.  His work shows the length and breadth and depth of human potential.  We are all sharers in this potential.  We may not exhibit the glory of human ability to the extent Mozart did but we all have that glory within us to some degree.  Our task is to tap it and let it flow so it manifests itself to the greatest extent possible.  There's no shame in not being Mozart but you ought to give the world the most excellent version of you that you can muster.
•  Today is my half-birthday!  Now, you might say "Mark, there is no such thing as a half-birthday.  Your birthday is the anniversary of your birth and you just get one per year.  A "half-birthday" is just some made-up excuse to celebrate."  And . . . you'd be right.  That's EXACTLY what it is-- a made-up excuse to celebrate.  Most people's lives are undercelebrated.  I'm just trying to bring up the average.  I approach life with a celebratory attitude.  I'm glad to be alive and to be blessed with all the wonderful people in my life every day.  Why put off celebrating?  I try to make every day a celebration.  I only mention things like my birthday and half-birthday because I think I might be able to suck people into giving me presents!!  If your life doesn't feel like a daily celebration, you are cheating yourself.  Most likely, you aren't seeing the blessings in your life and being grateful for them.  Take some time to look for your blessings and be thankful for each of them.  This will get you in a celebratory mood.  Then . . . go out and get me a present!  Hey, it's my half-birthday-- did I mention that?
•  "I am the Greatest!" (Muhammad Ali)  Ali, the boxing champion, was quick with his fists and his wit. You might say he was a braggart when he declared himself the greatest but it may actually have been a statement of fact. We may not be Ali or Michael Jordan but we still are called to be great. Mother Teresa said "we can't all do great things but we can do small things with great love." If we are doing everything with great love, then we are, in fact, doing great things. Be the Ali of everyday life.
•  The moon was really big and bright last night.  Bigger and brighter than normal.  Or was it?  The fact is the moon didn't change at all.  It was the same size last night as it was last week, last year, last century. It just appeared bigger and brighter last night than it normally does to us.  What we think we see is not always accurate.  Our perception of what's going on in our lives, for example, is affected by our attitude.  Our opportunities can appear big and bright or they can seem invisible.  How they look to us has a lot to do with how we feel about our ability to find and seize them.    
•  Jackie Robinson's birthday is today.  He's an historic figure because he broke the color barrier in Major League Baseball with the Brooklyn Dodgers.  He was also an amazing athlete.  Because breaking the color barrier was so historically important, we tend to remember Jack Robinson only for that and forget the playing greatness that landed him in the Hall of Fame.  It's not good to pigeon-hole people even if it's based on something extraordinarily good.  We miss the whole person by doing this.  It's like looking at Michaelangelo's statue of David and only focusing on the vein in his neck.  Michaelangelo did an amazing job sculpting that vein but it would be a big loss if you didn't take in the rest of the statue.  In your relationships, try to take in the whole person.  Don't get stuck only seeing the most obvious things about them. . .  Like my incredibly shiny head!