FUN FIRST!

Daily Encouragement for Better Living

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JANUARY, 2009

Happy New Year! The turn of the calendar provides an opportunity to reflect on the obvious. The past is over. The future awaits. Or, does it? The future isn't passive. It's not really waiting. Sure, time will pass whether you do anything or not. The clock will keep ticking. But, the events of the future aren't pre-ordained. They aren't sitting there waiting for you to stumble on them. Will this be a good year? It's mostly up to you. The year will be made by the quality of your choices, your actions, and your attitude. It's got the potential to be the best year ever. Start now to make it so.
January, particularly right at the beginning, is a challenging time at the gym. You've got the people who resolved to get in shape in the new year and the people who got gym memberships for Christmas showing up and mingling with the lifers. From the lifer side, it's tough. The newbies are in the way. They slow everything down. This problem is always solved by the beginning of February. Most of the resolvers have given up by then. The lure of the couch wins out over the work of the gym. When a few days of exercise hasn't turned them into Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, they decide it's not worth it. It's just too much work. The lifers get the gym back until next year. But, there are exceptions. If you want to be a exception, you need to follow the formula for success. 1) Start. 2) Don't stop. In order to accomplish step 2, you need to make it fun. Whether it's exercise or anything else that requires perseverence, having fun is the key to not quitting. For me the fun at the gym is in getting to know the other people there. For you it might be always pushing to beat your last performance or even just admiring the other people there who are in great shape. Whatever you are going to attempt, before you start think about how you are going to make it fun in order to sustain yourself.
What does the world need from you? If we sit around pondering how to save the world, we may come up with all sorts of things that should be done to fix it. We tend to think of things that should be done on a grand scale and usually put the responsibility for accomplishing these grand plans on somebody else. The better course is to concentrate on living your purpose. The thing you love. The thing that never grows old no matter how often you do it. The thing that gives you energy and makes you smile just thinking about it. The world needs you full of life and joy. Whether it's writing or singing or organizing or mountain climbing or loving when you do it you become what you were created to be and that is exactly what the world needs.
Velcro must have been invented by a bald guy, like me, who finally decided to shave off the ridiculous rim of hair clinging despairingly to the far outreaches of his head. Headshaving eliminates this useless annoyance. But, it has one unexpected consequence [other than women running up to you and saying how incredibly handsome you are with your smooth, clean pate ]. About 24 hours after shaving, the stubble that re-emerges creates a surface with so much friction it could stop a tank in its tracks. I'm sure velcro's inventor was in the shower haughtily contemplating his new found studliness when he tried to run a washcloth across his head. His fantasy is brought to an abrupt end when the washcloth locks in place and his elbow dislocates from the jarring force of the stop. When the pain subsides, the lightbulb goes on. If he can recreate the stubble effect synthetically, he's got a fabulous invention on his hands (head?). That's the essence of invention. Stumbling onto something and being clever enough to see its possibilities. All I got out of my washcloth experience was a name for the phenomenon-- Velcro Head.
"You can get anything you want in life if you just help enough other people get what they want." (Zig Ziglar) Zig's got that right. Helping other people succeed is the surest path to success. Not only will the people you help likely turn around and help you but developing a focus on other people's needs will make you a better person and better at anything you do involving human interaction. Whether its sales, counselling, product design, or friendship, it's all about people and what they need. Start looking to what you can do to get the people you encounter the things they desire and you will become very popular.
High definition TV has opened a new avenue for communication. The Ohio State quarterback during last night's Fiesta Bowl had the following inscribed in white letters and numbers on the eye black smudged under his eyes: "Phil. 3:14." This is the Biblical citation to Philippians, Chapter 3, Verse 14, which says: "My entire attention is on the finish line as I run toward the prize to which God calls me-- life on high in Christ Jesus." Before high def, the audience would never have been able to read something so small. Kudos to the QB for realizing he could give a testimony to his faith in his eye black. I wonder if he's a Communications Major.
We're 9 days into the new year. How's it going so far? Are you having fun? Are you making progress on your goals? Awhile back I suggested keeping a running list of 5 small steps to take toward meeting your goals. Each step should be so small that you can easily accomplish it in one day. Step 5 is always "make a new 5 step list." If you're not making progress, take a few minutes, review your life goals, pick one or two to work on, and make a 5 small step list to move toward achieving them. Then, take the first step.
About three months ago, an acquaintance of mine left his place of employment for the evening and crossed the street to have a drink at a bar with some friends. A short while later, he left the bar and was mugged. His attackers hit him, knocking him unconscious. He fell into the street. A car came by and ran over him. He got caught on the car and was dragged by it for about a mile, when he finally became unhooked. He was found sometime later. Amazingly, he was not killed. He had numerous broken bones (including his pelvis) and lost a good part of his skin. I saw him yesterday. Walking on his own and looking close to back to normal. He says he's doing really well and that he is very lucky. So, the next time you're tempted to think your life is hard, remember this guy. If you haven't been dragged at least a few hundred feet by a motor vehicle recently, you might want to be grateful for your life as it is.
Here's a poem I wrote recently for the Energee! Dancers. I saw them again last night and was reminded of the poem. They perform at the Milwaukee Bucks home basketball games. For Energee! No beauty rivals woman's No creature has your grace No sunrise owns the radiance Perfected in your face. No sunset's awesome grandeur No moonlit sky's romance No nightingale's sweet singing Can match you when you dance. God made you each a wonder Gorgeous, graceful, strong and sweet And when you move together Your perfection is complete.
Went to a going away party for a friend who is moving to Montana. [Despite the immense temptation, I did not spend the whole night singing Frank Zappa's song "Montana": "Moving to Montana soon. Gonna be a dental floss tycoon" and I wasn't even asked to leave. This new year is off to a good start!] Montana brings visions of adventure. Mountains, wilderness, scenic vistas, waist-deep snow, ravenous Grizzly bears. It's a very exciting prospect. But, even in an exciting place, life can be mundane if you let it. You can live in the mountains and not appreciate their majesty if you're mentally stuck in a non-majestic place. The good news is you just need to cultivate a habit of gratitude and attentiveness. [It's probably not too hard to be attentive to a Grizzly if you run into one but you might falter on the gratitude part!] Decide to see the wonder of your surroundings. The even better news is that you can live in a majestic way even if you're stuck in a physically non-majestic spot. Commit yourself to finding something or someone wonderful every day wherever you are. They're out there. You'll be surprised. It's easier than you might think.
I love being me! Ok. Now, say it like you mean it! Is it true? I hope so. You are the only "you" you are ever going to get so you better get busy loving it. If you answered "no", then you're probably concentrating on your faults rather than your strengths. Stop. Make a list of what you like about yourself. Make a list of what you're good at. Don't fall into the "if it's not perfect all the time then it's not good" trap. When you have a negative thought about yourself, refer to the "like" and "good" lists. Don't dwell on the negative. I made the most progress in my life when I started laughing at the things about me that used to make me mad. My defects went from being a source of frustration to a source of entertainment. Laughing at them shrunk them into insignificance. So now, I can honestly say "I love being me!"
Encourage the good in people and you'll start to see a lot more of it. If you spend your time telling people what's wrong with them, you might get them to avoid you, or ignore you, but you probably won't get them to act like you want them to. Instead, point out what's going well and acknowledge their improvements. And I don't mean "Well it's nice to see you finally did something right for a change." Or, "See it's not so bad doing something useful instead of being a lazy bum." That's just a poorly disguised method of criticizing. Think about how you talk to people. Especially your kids and spouse. Are they getting encouragement or something else.
Happiness doesn't just happen. It's created by action. If you act to create some happiness for someone else, you'll create some for yourself. Humans are not designed to live in isolation. We are social. That's why we experience our greatest joys when we do something for someone else. If you try to put a smile on someone else's face you'll put one on your own for sure. If you're not feeling happy or joyful at the moment, find someone you can make smile. Tell them something you admire about them or do something kind for them for no apparent reason. They'll light up and so will you.
When I was 18, I played driveway basketball with some other guys at a friend's house. One day this old guy (he was 32) from across the street asked to play. I was assigned to guard the old guy. He blew by me every time he touched the ball. No matter what I did he was by me in a flash. I was humiliated. After the game, he mentioned he'd played wide receiver in the NFL for a short period of time before being cut. I was no longer humiliated. Heck, if I'd been able to guard him, he would have been humiliated. If I'd known he was a former NFL wide receiver, I would have marveled at his quickness and enjoyed the display of talent rather than moped around about my slowness and inadequacy. If you're beating yourself up about something, make sure you know the important facts. You may be expecting more from yourself than is reasonable when all the facts are known. I would have needed a lot of high quality coaching and practice to be able to defend that guy enough to even slow him down a little.
It's a beautiful sunny day. Of course, it's minus 15 degrees Farenheit so the sun is just for show. It may be shining on us but it must be warming somebody else. Looking out the window up at the sky, you could delude yourself into thinking it's a warm day. But, what you see isn't always what you get. How about you? Are people getting the right picture of you? Is your warmth genuine based on real care for them or are you more of a deceptively sunny day?
"Hopeless Romantic" Who coined that phrase? Had to be somebody really boring. I looked up "romance" in the dictionary and found even it had a glaring inconsistency. "Romance" is defined as "A sort of novel whose interest lies not so much in the depiction or analysis of real life or character as in adventure, surprising incident or the like." Whoa there Dictionary Writer. Adventure. Surprising incident. Isn't that real life? The same dictinary defines "adventure" as " a remarkable experience, a striking event, a stirring or novel incident." What? These things don't occur in real life? Wow! Glad I'm living an unreal life. To me life is full of "adventure, surprising incident, and the like." I'm definitely a romantic. I just think "romantic" and "realist"mean the same thing.
Describe your experience of life so far in six words. A friend suggested this exercise to me. It's fun. My six words are: "Loser Lost. Lover Found. Christ Lives" I spent too much of my life as a self-absorbed loser. I eventually started loving people and became joyful. I do it because Christ lives in me. Give the six word exercise a try. I think it'll be enlightening.
"Don't expect me to make your life better. That's strictly up to you." I wish the President had said that in his inaugural address. He didn't.What he did say was "What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility." If he meant taking responsibility for your own life, and not blaming anybody else for your circumstances, and not expecting anybody else to make your life better, then I agree with him. We definitely all need to do that. Waiting for somebody else to improve your circumstances and remove all of the obstacles in your way is not going to work. Your life is just that. Your life. You can make it something wonderful. Nobody else has the power to do it. Not even the President of the United States.
Words are like fire. They can warm your house or burn it down. Use them prudently.
Optimism is defined as "the doctrine that reality is essentially good." God is the original optimist. The Scriptures tell us God "saw that it was good" after each stage of creation. This goodness extends to you, one of God's creations. Despite whatever shortcomings you see in yourself, you are essentially good. That's how you were created. You are not your shortcomings. You don't have to be perfect to be good [nor does anyone else I might add]. Bemoaning your flaws or those of others distracts you from celebrating your essential goodness and their's. Take some time to enjoy what's good about you and those around you.
No matter how smart you are, you're not smart enough to live someone else's life for them. Not your neighbor's. Not your spouse's. Not your kids'. Nobody's. Does this disappoint you? Telling other people how to live their lives is so much easier than living our own that we can make it our full time occupation. But, sadly, it's a waste of time. We just aren't up to the task. It's time to leave it behind and start living our own lives. This is the task we've been equipped for. It's the one at which we can succeed.
Exercising in frequent intense short bursts increases your heart’s capacity to perform under stress. Generosity in frequent short bursts increases your heart’s capacity to give big when it’s needed. Look for small easy chances to give of yourself for others. Developing a habit of generosity in small things is good in itself and it also prepares you to see and act on the bigger opportunities.
What you see is controlled by what you're looking for. If you look for beauty, you'll find it. If you look for opportunity, you'll find it. If you look for flaws and obstacles, you'll find them too. Choose wisely what you look for.
Laughter is nourishment. If you’re not laughing a lot, you’re starving yourself to death. Find something to make you laugh hard at least once per day to make sure you have enough strength to go on.
Today I'm stealing a quote from St. Augustine: "The times are bad! The times are troublesome! This is what humans say. But we are our times. Let us live well and our times will be good. Such as we are, such are our times."
Received a comment related to yesterday's email quote from St. Augustine commending me for reading his works and finding the quote. Actually, I found the quote on a coffee cup sleeve at The Bean coffee shop at Ave Maria University. So, I didn't really find the quote. The quote found me. Such is life. The most amazing and valuable things come your way if you just look for and expect them. Wisdom and beauty appear to those who seek them.