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AUGUST, 2008

•  Yesterday was a great day for me. [Ok, every day is a great day for me but this one was especially so]  It started with breakfast overlooking Geneva Lake in Wisconsin, followed by a hike along the shoreline and lounging around the lake.  One of my dogs was released from the vet after a few days treatment.  When I'd carried him into the vet's office on Tuesday morning I thought he was a goner so getting him back was a real blessing.  Yesterday (actually early this morning) ended with a midnight book release party at Barnes & Noble with my daughters.  The place was full of teenage girls so the energy (and decibel) level was high.  It was a treat to be with my daughters and enjoy their excitement.  It's good to get regular doses of youthful exuberance.  It helps reinforce the fact life can be great fun if you just let it be.
•  Glamour Lifting.  I know a football player-- a lineman.  He has an intense weightlifting regimen to build strength so he can successfully bash into the guys on the other side of the line who are bashing into him.  When he takes a break to let his muscles recover from the intense workouts, he might do a little "glamour lifting".  As best I can tell, "glamour lifting" is doing things like dumbell curls to make your biceps look better.  To the average Joe, a bulging bicep may be a sign of strength.  To a lineman, it's just the cherry on top of the sundae.  It adds nothing to the substance.  A little glamour lifting in our lives is ok but we really want to concentrate on the substance.  Developing our core strengths.  The things most essential to living out our purpose.  No lineman wants to end up on his butt, looking up at a guy standing over him saying "pretty bicep you got there."  Focus on building the things that accomplish your purpose.
•  Thunder is rumbling as I write this morning.  Must mean a big storm, right?  Maybe, but not necessarily.  Yesterday, there was thunder as well but never any rain.  Thunder isn't necessarily an accurate predictor of rain.  It's like fear.  Fear alerts us to the possibility of danger not its certainty.  We need to pay attention to it but not treat it as the arrival of danger itself.  Fear is only useful if it spurs us to take positive action to reduce the possibility of danger.  If you hear thunder, you might want to think about closing your windows but not start sandbagging your house.  Don't overreact.
•  "Have to's" and "want to's".  Which play the biggest role in your life?  The bigger the role the "have to's" play the more likely you are to feel like a slave rather than a free person and the less satisfied you're likely to be.  We are created to be free but seem to work our way into enslavement.  I'm not sure why.  What matters is gaining your freedom.  Take a look at your "have to's".  Are they really things you're doing against your will?  Most of them are probably things you've actually chosen to do and can choose to stop doing if you wish.  Fear of the consequences may be keeping you from changing.  Remember fear is just a warning of possible, not certain, danger.  The actual consequences of change may be very good.  Allow yourself to explore this possibility.  [Of course, the best "to's" are the "get to's".  But, that's a topic for another day.] 
•  Yesterday I talked about "have to's" and "want to's" but the best "to" is the "get to".  As in I get to write this email.  A "get to" is something you are grateful you get to do.  It gives you such joy that you feel privileged to be able to do it.  The more of life you see as "get to's" the happier you'll be.  Take a look at what you are doing today.  What percentage of today's activities are "get to's"?  Can you add some more?  Can you take a different view and change some of the things you are going to do into "get to's"?  A little attitude adjustment can make you see more things as "get to's".  "Oh boy, I get to change a flat tire and it's 105 degrees."  Maybe that's a little extreme but you get the idea. 
•  "Now" is the only time you can do anything.  You can remember the past.  You can anticipate the future.  But you can only act now.  [Right now you're reading this email.  What a brilliant use of "now"  you are making!!] Just like baseball.  You can't hit the last pitch. You can only hit the pitch that's crossing the plate right now.  If you're thinking about the one you just missed, you're going to miss this one too.
•  Saw a friend of mine who's had some problems with her hand.  "How's your hand?" "Good.  Now I've got a problem with my foot.  I was dancing with my mom and sisters at my sister's wedding.  My mom lost her balance and stepped on the top of my foot with her high heel.  Made me forget about my hand.  Thanks mom!"  That's one approach to helping someone with a problem.  Create a worse one to divert their attention.  Set their house on fire so the broken strom door doesn't seem so bad.  While we wouldn't intentionally do this, our "helping" can have this effect if we're not careful.  It's easy to overload people with advice and assail them with "helpful" criticism.  Usually, the best thing you can do is shut up and listen.  People have an amazing capacity to solve their own problems if you give them a chance to talk through them.  Listening and asking nonjudgmental questions is the best thing you can do.  Leave your high heels in the closet.  That's what I do.  They hurt my back.
•  Horse racing today.  The Arlington Million.  I love race horses.  They are a perfect example of doing what you were made to do.  They are born to run and do it with all they've got.  It's a good lesson to learn.  Find your call and do it with all your heart.
•  Spirit One took a little detour on the way to the starting gate for the Arlington Million yesterday.  During the Post Parade he left the track and trotted into the winner's circle.  He was probably thinking "Guess I'll take short trip in here just to see what it's like so I'll be prepared when I come back in a few minutes."  After returning to the track, he took about a 2 furlong light gallop before finding his way to the starting gate.  Always good to stretch the legs a bit.  A guy standing behind me said "He's running his race now.  He's finished.  Too bad for anybody who bet on him."  The guy didn't get it.  Spirit One was ready to go.  Once the gates opened, he took the lead and stayed there till he crossed the finish line.  He spent a little bit longer in the winner's circle the second time.  What with the pictures and all.  Maybe his first trip was part of his pre-race visualization routine.  He took visualizing himself in the winner's circle one step beyond and actually physically went there.  You can learn a lot about success from a racehorse. 
•  I decided to write this morning before having any coffee.  You know, shake things up a bit.  A variation in the routine can really spark the ol' creative juices.  Get out of the rut and really cut loose with something brilliant that's been trapped in an unknown spot just waiting to be discovered.  Just waiting for a fresh approach to bring it to life.  It's amazing what a little change in routine can yield.  For example, skipping coffee made me frantic to finish writing this email so I can tear out of here and get some.  Maybe a different change would have been more productive?
•  Golf appears impossible.  You have a tiny ball, a tiny hole, and the entire face of the earth on which the tiny ball can land other than in the tiny hole.  As you swing and swing it seems as likely you'll end up in Honduras as in the tiny hole.  But, it turns out not to be that bad. [While I have left the course many times even I have never left the country with my numerous consecutive errant shots.]  In fact,  if you keep hacking away, you'll eventually get to the hole or at least close enough for a gimme.  In this way golf is like life.  You may not go as far or in the exact direction you want on any given shot, but you can change your direction and distance on the next one.  It may be frustrating and take longer than you wanted but if you persevere, you'll ultimately get there.  It may take you longer than Tiger Woods but hey, you'll get to enjoy much more of  the course than he does.  Life's fairways may not be as interesting as its woods. 
•  If you were "it" would happiness always beat you at hide and seek?  Always slipping into a place you wouldn't think to look or were afraid to go?  Part of the problem with losing at anything is expecting to get beat.  Turn the tables on happiness.  Instead of trying to find it, entice it to find you.  Decide you are going to be the kind of person happiness can't resist.  Happiness is attracted to gratitude.  Decide to be grateful.  Be glad for something in your life.  Spend some time thinking about that thing.  Pretty soon happiness will pay you a brief visit.  As you expand your realm of gratitude, happiness will be a frequent visitor.  
•  Today is my wedding anniversary.  Since I am lazy I am repeating my email from last year.  Here it is: 5 Lessons from 25 years of marriage: 1)  You can't "fix" someone else no matter how much you want to or how hard you try; 2) If you "fix" yourself, the other person will get better; 3) Love is the absence of selfishness; 4) Every act of kindness is big no matter how small it looks ; 5) Laugh at everything especially yourself.  Taking yourself seriously isn't the road to unhappiness.  It is unhappiness.
•  Camping.  Years ago, I attended a marriage seminar.  The presenters said their informal research showed that many strong marriages had one thing in common.  Camping.  They said this made sense because "What is camping, anyway?  Shared suffering." [I'm not a camper but the stories campers tell bear this out.  ". . . and then our whole campsite got washed over the ravine but John's arm got wedged in some rocks.  It dislocated his shoulder but it saved him and my foot got tangled in some vines which kept me from going over the edge but there was a rattlesnake in the vines and it bit me but fortunately a guy with some anti-venom washed down from higher up the hill and got his head stuck in the "V" in a tree right by me.  Other than that, it was a lot of fun."]  Shared suffering creates a bond.  If you want to be close to somebody, be with them when things are the worst for them.  This forges a connection an endless stream of good times won't make.  I'm thinking of asking my wife to start playing golf with me.  
•  When I was young and misguided, I wanted to be a politician.  While I've been cured, one thing I still think I would like about it would be seeing impressionists portray me and seeing myself lampooned in political cartoons.  I remember reading that President Nixon once called a cartoonist to complain about the way he was depicted.  I thought that was strange.  I'd be much more likely to call and tell him how funny it was and say "But, c'mon my nose is a lot bigger than that!"  That may explain why I wasn't going to go anywhere as a politician.  I never could take anything about myself very seriously.
•  When I first met my wife, she had just returned from a year in Barcelona.  Apparently, something in that experience impaired her judgment and she agreed to go out with me.  We were walking one night on the college campus and she said: "In Spain, the men would walk on the curbside with me on the inside to protect me from passing cars."  She was wondering why I didn't have that concern for her.  I said: "I was walking on the inside to protect you from guys hiding in the bushes."  I had the same intention to protect her.  I just perceived a different danger.  That's why communication is important in relationships.  You can think you're doing exactly the right thing and the other person can think you are being inconsiderate, uncaring or selfish.  If you talk about why you are doing what you are doing you can limit the times you are thought to be a selfish jerk to the times you actually are being one.
•  I wrote this last year for my friends' wedding.  I decided to rerun it for their first anniversary today.  Here it is: Attending a wedding today.  The bride is a priceless treasure.  A woman of exceptional talent and unmatched beauty.  The groom now begins his stewardship of that treasure.  Seeking a treasure is one thing.  Possessing it is another matter.  A man can hide it away for fear someone will take it.  He can seclude it so it gives no pleasure to anyone but himself.  He can choose to treat it like its nothing special and misuse it (like a Rembrandt for a doormat) or forget its value and neglect it till it fades, corrodes, or rots.  If he's wise, he will treat this treasure like a curator treats a masterpiece.  His every action designed to enhance the gift that's come into his hands.  Preserve it.  Let others be moved and enriched by its beauty while protecting it from things that may damage it.  Devote himself to learning all he can about the treasure and its care.  Know that it is of immeasurable value in and of itself and not really his possession at all.  
• "I wish I was where I was when I was wishing I was here." I laughed uncontrollably when I saw this. (Yes, I know. I laugh uncontrollably at a lot of things so what makes this so special.) It nicely summarizes a basic fact of life. You are wherever you are and if you don't like yourself no place you go is going to be any better than the place you left. You can run away from other people (I was going to say "like rabid Cub fans but you can't really run away from them. They are EVERYWHERE") but you just can't escape from yourself. You can save yourself a lot of wasted time and effort if you focus on being happy with yourself rather than running off to different cities, jobs, or climates.  You'll just ruin paradise if you move there with your self-loathing.  Change your view of yourself before you change the surrounding scenery.  It'll make every place seem like paradise (except the midwest in the winter.) 
•  Today is the 25th wedding anniversary for my friends Mike and Becki.  Their wedding was eventful.  Mike had a terrible eye infection and was in excruciating pain.  He looked like he'd been in a prize fight.  The temperature was around 100 degrees.  As Becki was walking down the aisle, an electrical transformer on a pole outside blew and all the power went out.  The organ music died out with a long, sickly moan.  The fans stopped.  The lights went out.  The crowd gasped and then there was silence.  In the dark quiet, Becki stopped walking, said with a mixture of humor and disbelief: "I don't believe it!" and resumed walking toward the altar.  Fortunately, they are Catholic so there were plenty of candles around.  They had an unplanned candlelight wedding.  25 years later, the whole fiasco is just a funny story.  The moral?  When you've made a well thought out decision, don't let a little adversity kncok you off course.
•  Don’t let someone drown because you’re afraid you’ll enjoy being a hero. We can fail to act because we are so busy questioning our motives (or afraid someone else will question them) that the opportunity passes. Do good without overanalyzing yourself. The drowning person doesn’t care why you saved them.
•  "The gold medal basketball game is on at 1:30am."  "Good.  Finally, a game's on at a decent time."  This was my conversation with my 17 year old son.  The prior USA Olympic basketball games had been on at times like 7am.  I'll let you guess which one of us commented that 1:30am was a "decent time."  This reminds me that since we are all different, it's important to remember that someone else may have a goal, desire, or preference we haven't considered because it's too not like us.  It's the story of the two girls and the orange.  They fight over who gets the last orange.  Finally, they agree to cut it in half.  The first girl peels her half, throws away the peel, and eats the fruit.  The other peels her half, throws away the fruit and keeps the peel for a recipe she's making.  They both could have had everything they wanted if they'd thought enough to ask the other why she wanted the orange.
• For years my favorite hobbies were loving people unconditionally with the love of Christ and learning how to kill them with my bare hands. It's an odd combination I must admit.  I started studying martial arts because I liked the movies and needed some exercise.  It just kind of took off from there.  I never had any real interest in killing anyone, with my bare hands or otherwise (except for an occasional lawyer).  It just kind of came along with the martial arts package.  So, now I'm lethal.  Provided I'm attacked in slow motion.  I can't put the martial arts to use with much explosiveness now.  My other hobby hasn't diminished with age.  In fact, I think my reaction time has probably gotten better in it.  It's good to spend more time on the things that improve with age.  It makes for more fun.  But, I still wouldn't recommend jumping out of the bushes and attacking me.  You might get hit.  If you stand still and wait awhile. 
•  "If You Swim Here You Will Die."  In Come Back Alive, Robert Young Pelton recounts the story of a tourist who, after having his picture taken by the sign bearing the above quote, jumped into the water, got sucked into the current and plunged over the 600 foot high waterfall to his death.  This nicely illustrates the difference between risk-taking and stupidity.  Risk-taking involves thinking about what you are going to do and how you are going to handle the foreseeable dangers (in the swimmer's case, the laws of physics.)  The swimmer could have worn a harness chained to a tree and avoided being swept to his death.  But, he didn't. He wasn't so much interested in swimming in the pool by the waterfall as he was in doing something stupid and hoping he got away with it.  It's an important distinction and you need to make sure you've properly evaluated what you're seeking before you jump in.[This is a rerun but the point's worth repeating.]
•  Who had the idea to put little mirrors in car sunvisors?  It had to be a woman.  I've never seen a man use one.  What would he use it for?  Checking out the woman in the car behind him as she's using her own little sunvisor mirror?  The rearview mirrors work fine for that.  A guy simply has no use for a sunvisor mirror.  It's good they come as standard equipment.  If they were an option you had to pay extra for, they'd cause some marital discord.  The wife would say she wanted them and the guy would say it was a waste of money. [What!  You've got one in your purse.  You can't pull it out!]  Or, the wife would say nothing even though she wanted them and the guy would be oblivous and not order them thinking he was prudently saving money and defeating the salesman.  The wife would resent him for being so insensitive to her obvious, simple need. [I'm not even worth a cheap mirror to him!]  The lesson: communicate.  Since men are oblivious, the burden here probably falls on the woman.  If something is important to you, you need to derail the train of "ManThink" so he knows it's important to you.  A good idea is to set up a general signal with him you will use so he knows in advance, when you give him the signal, that what you're saying really matters to you.  If he's prepared in advance, this signal might open the channel of communication so he understands.  I think this is why high heels are sharp and pointy-- so they can be driven into the top of a man's foot as an attention getter.  A woman must have thought these up too.  
•  The national political party convention season has begun and my first thought was: "Why couldn't they be held in China so they'd be going on in the middle of the night here just like the Olympics?"  They might serve some useful purpose for people who are involuntarily awake in the middle of the night, if you know what I mean.  My personal view (which you are certainly free to disagree with) is that we spend far too much time as a society talking about what the government is or isn't doing while putting too little attention on what we can be doing ourselves.  Ultimately, the success of our lives depends on us.  We can develop and achieve or we can whine and complain that the government, or our boss, or our family is doing an inadequate job of making things better for us.  Blame is lame.  If you're interested in making a better life or a better world, look to the person in the mirror to take action.  Don't wait for a new president to straighten things out.  You don't have that much time.   
•  On the Florida gulf coast (and I imagine on west coasts everywhere) people have a ritual of going to the beach and watching the sunset.  They take some chairs or a blanket, a bottle of wine, maybe some bread and watch the splendor of light and color build to a crescendo then dissolve into the subtle beauty of night.  Every day a new work is painted in the sky.  Some people never miss it.  Some people never see it.  They're too busy.  You may not have a daily sunset over the ocean available to you (I have sunrise over the parking deck across from my office but it's not quite the same!!) but you do have other beautiful things you can appreciate.  Make a point of looking for and appreciating something or someone beautiful today.  Make it a daily ritual.  Life's more fun when you let yourself drink in the beauty around you.  It's a shame to let it go to waste.
•  In honor of the return of the school year, I offer this from last August.  "It doesn't much matter what you teach a boy, as long as he doesn't like it."  Don't recall where I ran across this quote.  It was years back when we were preparing to educate our first child.  It's got some appeal on the face of it.  Teach the child to deal with adversity, tediousness, boredom.  Life certainly has some of those things in it.  But, that's not really the mindset you want to have for life.  Something you don't like but endure.  Life is actually intended to be delightful and adventurous.  It's a better educational philosophy to let children pursue their passion.  They'll hit adversity on that path too.  Then there'll be a point and motivation to overcome it.
•  "Who I am hates who I've been."  This is a line from a song by Reliant K.  It rings true for me.  The 52-year old me thinks the 25-year old me was pretty pathetic.  I hope the 75-year old me feels the same about the 50-year old version.  If I live long enough, maybe all the stupidity will be squeezed out.  I sure have a lot more fun now than I did before and figure that's just going to get better.  What's the secret?  Be grateful for what I've got.  Care about other people without worrying about how much they care for me.  Don't worry about what other people think of me.  Laugh.  A lot. Loudly.  At everything. Especially at how stupid I still am.