FUN FIRST!

Daily Encouragement for Better Living

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JULY, 2008

The ab wheel is a cruel self-torture device. It is a small wheel with a handle through the middle. You put your hands on the handle (one on each side of the wheel), bend over, put the wheel on the floor, and (still holding the handle) roll it away from you till you can't extend your arms any farther without falling on your face. You are now stretched out mostly parallel to the ground with all the muscles from your chest to your pelvis calling you very bad names. Then, you slowly roll the wheel back toward your feet just to spite your foul-mouthed muscles. Repeat this process until you collapse, start crying, or come to your senses. Despite what your body tells you while you're doing it, this actually is good for you. All those whining muscles get stronger over time. We all have an unused ab wheel gathering dust in some corner of our lives. Something we don't want to do because it's too hard. The problem is it nags at us and robs us of our joy. It's time to face up to it. Go grab a hold of it and start rolling. You may scream for awhile but you'll feel stronger and happier once it's done.
My gym used to have a mechanical rock climbing wall. It was like a vertical treadmill with hand and footholds that would keep coming around. You had to climb feverishly to stay in one spot. It was a good workout. You got to climb without ever being more than a few feet of the ground and it always held the possiblility of falling off in front of an audience. The machine was in the front of a room full of treadmills, exercise bikes, etc. Very few people used it. They didn't like the idea of being on display. This was good for me because I never had to wait to use it. I figured if anybody wanted to watch, it was nice I could provide some entertainment value. ("Five bucks says the geezer falls off in the next 30 seconds.") Fear of embarrassment can keep you from really enjoying your life. Singing, dancing, starting a business, any number of things can be squelched by fear of embarrassment. You owe it to yourself to risk embarrassment. Who really cares if people laugh at you? If you persist, they'll all be envying you before too long for your courage and success whether they started out laughing or not.
Every morning I drive by a golf course on the way to the office and thank God I'm going to work and not playing golf. Golf is frustrating. Work is not. I guess golfers enjoy the frustration. To them, it's not frustration. It's a challenge. Working to hit more good shots than bad. Taking pleasure in a well-played hole despite having played the previous one badly. Recovering from a bad shot with a good one. Realizing no matter how bad you were today you can be better tomorrow. These are the kind of concepts I believe in and live by. Look to the good not the bad. Concentrate on your strengths. Don't let the past spoil the present. All these things make for a happier and more successful life. I've just never been able to carry them over to the golf course. Funny, eh?
After stating that we are endowed by our Creator with inalienable rights, including life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, the Founders go on in the Declaration of Independence to list their grievances against King George III. My personal favorite is: "He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance." I'll leave you to ponder on your own the progress we've made as a country on that front in the last 232 years. My point here is that we, as individuals, often do to ourselves what George III was doing to the colonists. We impose on ourselves all sorts of fears, doubts, worries, and concerns that are as useless and destructive to us as a swarm of colonial government officials. Declare your own independence today. Don't let this swarm "eat out your substance" and keep you from exercising your right to pursue happiness. Revolt! Your freedom is yours for the taking.
The Williams sisters, Venus and Serena, are playing each other for the tennis championship at Wimbledon. They are both outstanding. Would either of them have reached the top of the tennis world without the other? The years of competing with each other at the local courts probably had a huge impact on how good they got to be. As adults, they've each taken turns as the dominant player in the world. It's unlikely either would have attained such excellence without the other being there every day ready to pounce on any weakness. It's one thing to let down, lose and walk away from your opponent. It's another to have to go home with her. It's good to have someone to challenge you to be your best. Find a friend and ask them to push you a bit to get where you want to go.
On this date in 1535 Sir Thomas More was beheaded for treason at the order of King Henry VIII of England. More and the king had been good friends and the king, as an act of mercy, commuted his sentence to beheading from drawing and quartering the usual punishment for treason by a commoner. More had run afoul of the king when he refused to take an oath acknowledging the king as the head of the Church in England. On his way up the gallows, he stumbled and one of the guards caught him so he didn't fall. He told the guard: " Thank you. I can make my own way up but I'm going to need some help getting down." He was at peace about his death and ready to meet his Lord so much so that he could joke about it. This story was reported at the time by one of More's opponents who heard him say it and cited it as evidence that More was incapable of taking anything seriously. This is why Thomas More is one of my main heroes. He could find humor even in his own execution. His last words were more serious though: "I die the King's good servant but God's first." God's servant first. Hope I honestly can say the same.
Today didn't start out as I planned. I discovered that an army of flying ants had invaded my house overnight. So, instead of doing a little writing, which I'd planned, I was murdering ants. Spraying them with mint oil (which kills them for some reason) and cleaning up their carcasses. I'm sure an aardvark would have done a more efficient job (and I wouldn't have had to clean up the dead bodies) but I didn't have one. Actually, several things didn't go quite as planned at the start of my day. The ants were just the most troublesome. I decided just to laugh at my minor misfortunes and enjoy the mystery of wondering what was going to happen next. If you start taking amusement from your annoyances, they usually stop pretty quickly. Annoyances don't like to be laughed at. They have no sense of humor and can't tolerate you if you do.
As I left for lunch yesterday, a hawk was dining on a pigeon in the parking lot. My day was not going as planned but it was better than the pigeon's. I was going to have lunch. The pigeon had become lunch. This was another reminder of how distorted our view of problems can be. The pigeon had a problem. I did not. Whether I had accomplished what I'd wanted to that morning or not was not really that important. I could adjust. My problems were simply the result of faulty perception. I could easily get back on track. The pigeon was done. Next time you think you have a problem, remember the pigeon. It'll keep your problems in perspective.
Sir John Templeton died yesterday at age 95. He was an extraordinarily successful investor noted for buying the shares of unknown or beaten down companies all over the world and profiting as they rose to prominence from obscurity or near collapse. Finding value where others couldn't see it or wouldn't look was his key to success. This is a fantastic investment strategy and an equally successful approach to relationships. A lot of people are wandering around out there with unrecognized value. They may have been beaten down by prior bad relationship experiences or hidden themselves because of some unspoken fear. If you look for them and invest some time in uncovering their hidden value, you'll grow richer than you ever imagined.
I saw a young woman running this morning wearing a tee shirt with the number 9 on the back. My first impulse was to yell out the window: "C'mon! You're a "10". Don't be so modest." I didn't because 1) she had headphones on; 2) young women are disturbed by scary looking bald guys yelling compliments at them from cars; 3) she wouldn't have any idea what I was talking about because the connection I quickly made in my head with the number 9 on her back and her being a "10" is pretty bizarre. I, of course, thought it was extremely clever which is why I'm writing about it. Now I have to pretend like I have some useful point that I intended to make from this story. How about this? It's good to give your brilliant impulses a quick trip through the "reason machine" before you act on them. It can save you a visit from the police.
According to the Body Mass Index (BMI) I am overweight for someone my height. When I discovered this, my immediate thought was "I need to get taller." Then I read the fine print. The BMI says it may be inaccurate for bodybuilders or well conditioned athletes. Well, that was easy. I must be a well conditioned athlete (not even I can kid myself into thinking I'm a bodybuilder). See how easy it is to solve a problem with a little imagination.
"Only a happily married man can appreciate a beautiful woman properly. (Bill Bonner) This is one of my favorite quotes. The idea behind it is the beautiful woman causes no stress to the happily married man. He's not worried about whether she's attracted to him. He doesn't have to muster the courage to ask her out or wonder if he'll be rejected. There's no fear of failure because he's not looking for her to do anything for him. Freed from fear he can simply enjoy her for herself-- a masterpiece of God's creation. This is true for any relationship really. If you're not worried about what you are or aren't going to get out of it, you're free to enjoy the other person for themselves. This turns out to be a lot more fun than worrying about what they think of you or whether they are going to do something to make you happy.
Today's my mom's birthday. She's dead but that doesn't mean she's silent. [Silent's not a word you'd really associate with my mom!] If you look at what I write everyday, you've been hearing from her quite a bit. The young woman with the number 9 tee shirt and the Body Mass Index stories (from last Fri. and Sat.) are both examples of "MomThink". She was zany and she passed it on. The most important thing I learned from my mom was that people are valuable and worth investing yourself in. Oh, and the importance of throwing wadded up socks or any other relatively soft object that's handy at your children when you can catch them unaware.
One club golf. I read about this once. A golf tournament where you can only use one club. The 7 iron is the preferred choice-- enough angle to pitch but flat enough to putt. Since I never figured out how to use all the clubs in the bag anyway, one club golf has a lot of appeal to me. [It also might be good for temper control. If you only have one club, you can't wrap it around a tree or throw it in the water ("you hit the ball in the water so you go in after it!) or you'll have to quit . . . hmm . . . another advantage of one club golf.] I'm sure it was invented by people like me who were frustrated by the standard version. This is a good approach. If something's got you frustrated, step back. Apply a little creativity. A small change in your method might make it a lot more fun.
Frank and I hang out at the same restaurant. Frank decided to do a new twist on "Customer Appreciation Day." He decided, as the customer, to do something to show his appreciation for the staff. Frank bought everybody who works there 2 tickets to the new Batman movie for a night when the restaurant is closed. 40 plus people will be watching the Dark Knight courtesy of Frank. What a brilliant idea. Who can you appreciate today? Don't let Frank show you up.
"You look like an actor. Do you know who?" "Brad Pitt" I replied confidently. "No. Think horror movies." [This was taking an unfortunate turn.] "Freddy Krueger?" "Yup. You look like the guy who plays Freddy Krueger. I mean without his makeup." Wow! The wonders of Hollywood makeup artists. To take what must be a stunningly handsome fellow and turn him into a gruesome ghoul for the cameras is an amazing feat. That's what makes the movies fun. The unreality of it all. Nobody is who they really are and nothing that happens is really happening. Unfortunately, this can spill over into real life. We can avoid dealing with our life as it is while wishing someone would change the script so we got a better part. Fortunately, the cure is pretty simple. Life is more like improv. You get to make your own part to a large extent. Whatever situation you're in, you have a lot of freedom to alter it by your own decisions about what to do next. If you want your character to have a better role, decide what you want it to be and act accordingly.
Don't worry about being misunderstood. This is one of my core principles for lving a fulfilling life. When you do good for someone, they may wonder what you're really after. It might not be within their experience that a person could just enjoy giving. To them, a gift or act of generosity or caring is always just bait to lure them into a trap. I used to let this stop me-- this fear of being thought to have evil motives. Finally, I realized that time would tell that I didn't and, anyway, it's not about me in the first place. I have had a lot more fun since adopting this principle.
I was just behind a teenage girl who was typing text messages without even looking at her cellphone. She had the phone by her hip and her thumb was flying around the keys but she never looked down at it except just before she hit send. Wow! I was very impressed. How could she do it? Practice. Why had she practiced? Motivation. Texting her friends is important enough to her that she does it so much she's now skilled enough to do it blindfolded. The first step in mastering anything is wanting to be a master.
One of my readers pointed out that the real key to mastering something (the subject of yesterday's email) is to teach someone else how to do it. This is absolutely true. You may be able to do something quite beautifully but when you set out to teach someone else you quickly realize how little you actually know about it. Teaching teaches the teacher far more than it teaches the student. Sharing what you know increases your knowledge. Strange but true.
What's more important to know your strengths or your weaknesses? If you are like the majority of people on the planet you said "weaknesses." According to a study quoted by Marcus Buckingham in Now Discover Your Strengths, 59% of Americans say "weaknesses" and the percentage is higher in every other country surveyed. Buckingham says this is the wrong answer. He is a genius [because he agrees with me]. In fact, discovering your strengths and developing them is the path to successful living. Improving a weakness might do some damage control, according to Buckingham, but in order to flourish, it's your strengths you need to follow. What are you naturally good at and feel energized by doing? This is the place to start to transform your life.
I know a couple who met in the elevator of their office building at 11pm. They were both workaholics (what was my first clue?!) and CPAs. It was the perfect place for them to meet because it answered the most important question each had about a prospective relationship: will it interfere with my work? There were no questions about having to change or wondering whether the other would be able to cope with the fact that you wouldn't change. They were both in the same spot on the work issue. When I met them, they'd been married for 10 years. [I'm sure you're asking yourself: "Mark, how'd a goof off like you meet a couple of workaholics. Certainly, you were not in the office elevator at midnight." I met them at the Kentucky Derby. The wife loved horses and the husband seemed particularly fond of mint julips so that was a good fit too!] If you're looking for a relationship, the most important thing is to know yourself and your core beliefs, desires, and traits. When you're secure in yourself, you'll have a better idea where to look for someone who will appreciate those things in you. If you're an out the door at 5 kind of guy, don't come back and cruise the office elevator for chicks at midnight.
My wife is in Spain. I miss her. I devised a plan to get her to come home sooner. I decided to call her twice a day and sing the Three Doors Down song "Here Without You" to her . ["I'm here without you baby. But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time."] I figured she couldn't stand that for more than a day or two and would give up and come home just to stop my singing to her. I quickly realized that this plan wasn't as great as I thought because she'd probably just stop answering my calls and wouldn't listen to any voice mails from me. Drat that caller ID! My point is that manipulating people doesn't usually work. At least not for long. They'll eventually figure out away to wiggle out of whatever trap you've tried to stuff them in. Better to find a way that appeals to their interests.
I always appreciate hearing from you. You can write me at anytime simply by hitting reply or by writing to mark@funfirstliving.com. The responses I get to what I write are quite varied and often entertaining. In response to my poem "The Thoroughbred", which uses the image of a thoroughbred for a woman, I received the following: "My wife has instructed me never to compare her to a horse or any other large barnyard animal. I'm amazed that you're getting away with this." To my observations on "only a happily married man can appreciate a beautiful woman properly", I received from a beautful woman the simple response "Thank you." I also received a terse, hilarious, and unprintable putdown for these same observations. Reading your comments is a lot of fun. Please don't hesitate to send me your responses. Thanks.
Today's my birthday. I know a guy who shares my birthday. He's 101 today. I am not that old. He is a Trappist monk. I am not that holy. We both love God and are grateful for the wonderful life in Christ we have been given. He's just better at it than I am. Of course, he's had more time to practice. In another 50 years, I hope to be better to. I'll let you know. In the mean time, I'm going to celebrate the fact I'm alive, healthy, and blessed with all the folks God has brought into my life. That includes you. Thanks.
My children made a couple short movies as presents for my birthday. In The Chronicles of Mark: Time to Wake Up I am played by Orlando Bloom (sort of, it's his life size cardboard cutout). You can find the movies on YouTube. Here are the links: Macgyver Connery http://youtube.com/watch?v=kRVkvTIJRZs The Chronicles of Mark http://youtube.com/watch?v=Uk99HaBag0g They also filmed me watching The Chronicles of Mark for the first time so they would have footage of me laughing loudly and uncontrollably, which is probably the thing I do best in the entire world. If that makes it to YouTube I'll post that link in the future. These films demonstrate what happens to a person who has lived with me their entire life. They are not normal!
I drive by a golf course everyday. I never really noticed that its next to a cemetery. I finally noticed because the cemetery had one of those tents they put over a grave site for a funeral set up right near the fence to the golf course. From the road, it looked like a party of golfers was teeing off at the grave site. My first thought was: "Well, I guess some things are worse than playing golf!" I like to think the deceased, whose grave site was awaiting him that day, was a golfer who'd hit his ball to that spot in the cemetery so often that he decided to make it his final resting place because it was so familiar to him. ["And I thought I was in trouble when my golf ball landed here. At least then I could get out. Even if it did cost me a stroke!] Fortunately for us, we're still at the "golfing stage". We can get out of bad situations we're in even if it costs us something. We have options. We can move on. We aren't permanently planted. It's important to remember that as long as you're drawing a breath you can change your life for the better. That's why I quit playing golf. As promised, here's the link to the video of me laughing during the first screening of The Chronicles of Mark: Time to Wake Up. Watch at your own risk! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGk4VZM1F3Q
"I wasn't quite as sick as I let on." Doc Holliday says this in the movie "Tombstone" to Wyatt Earp after Doc snuck out of his apparent deathbed and fought (and won) a gunfight that was supposed to be fought by Earp. Doc knew Earp couldn't win the fight so he beat him to the appointed spot and dispatched the opponent before Earp arrived for his certain death. It's a great depiction of friendship. Doc actually was dying. Rather than wallowing in self-pity about his impending demise, he roused himself to save his friend. How often do we fail to see the need of someone else because we are so absorbed by our own problems? Doc knew his skill with the gun was Wyatt's only hope. The situations we face are probably not going to be quite as dramatic but the concept is the same. We each possess something that at any given moment might be the only hope for the situation someone else is in. It would be a shame not to give it to them just because we weren't paying attention.