FUN FIRST!

Torching the Gasoline for Explosive Success

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MARCH, 2008

Scary music in the movies is designed to put you on edge. When you hear it, you know something bad is going to happen. We can create our own scary music when we are about to try something new. We can convince ourselves something bad is going to happen. Unlike the movies, we don't have an outside director determining our fate. Just because we hear the scary music doesn't mean our fate is sealed. We put the scary music in and we can take it out. Next time you hear it playing in your head remind yourself that you get to pick what happens next. The music is just a distraction.
What pops into your mind when you see the word "beauty"? Just for fun make a list of beautiful things. People, places, things. Whatever enters your mind when you think "beauty". Bet you feel better than you did before you started thinking about beauty. Beauty is exhilarating. It's uplifting. It's an ever present gift awaiting our attention. Make a special point to see it often today.
Flannery O'Connor's birthday is today. She was a great 20th century author. My favorite O'Connor quote isn't from one of her stories but from an interview I heard a speaker recount. She was asked what one of her stories was about. She replied: "If I could tell you what my story was about, I wouldn't have had to write it." A story isn't about something. It is something. Every word chosen and sentence crafted to create a living thing in your imagination. You take it as a whole. People are the same. Each person is a complete work. It's important to take in the whole and not reduce a person to one obvious characteristic ("He's a slacker"). No one is one dimensional.
"She left me roses by the stairs. Surprises let me know she cares." This lyric from Tom DeLonge's "All the Small Things" highlights the power of small, unexpected acts of generosity. People are amazed when anyone goes even slightly out of the way to do something nice for them. They light up with joy that you would bother to care about them. It doesn't take much. It's remarkably simple. All it really requires is stopping your self-absorbtion long enough to notice a person and think what you could do to make them smile. How hard can that be?
Muscle memory is a good thing. It's what makes your three-point shot go in consistently or your curveball break consistently. Your body learns from repetition the proper movements to make to get the desired result. A habit is like muscle memory. You do it without thinking and it produces consistent results. That's why it's important to keep an eye on your habits. Are they producing baskets or airballs? Chances are you've got some great habits that are producing success and some other habits that are causing you to underperform. Give yourself an honest habit appraisal. Which do you need to dump? Which would you like to develop?
Michaelangelo Buonarroti's birthday today. He could bang on a big rock and turn it into an extraordinarly beautiful creation. It is amazing to me that he could look at a hunk of marble, see a statue inside it, and then chisel away everything that wasn't the statue. His creative vision coupled with the manual skill to make the vision a reality has blessed us with some of the greatest works ever made. While we might not be able to match Michaelangelo with a hammer and chisel, we can transform ourselves into a great work. Start by thinking about what you want your life to look like. What is the beautiful creation hidden inside you. Don't get stuck on the rock, what you think you are right now, imagine what you want to be. Then, you don't need to know every hammer stroke in advance, just decide what the first stroke is going to be to move toward the vision and take a swing. Maybe the rock will chip off the way you planned maybe it'll chip a little bit different. After the first stroke, you'll be able to decide how to make the next one. Just keep going one stroke at a time. Before long, the you you're looking for will start to take shape.
Drove by a house today with a Green Bay Packers' flag flying at half mast. Brett Favre's not dead but he has retired and that may make the Packers (in the word's of Miracle Max in The Princess Bride) "mostly dead". [If you don't know what I'm talking about, I apologize. I do not have the time nor the space to attempt to explain the Wisconsin state religion, the semi-deity status of it's retiring high priest, and the pain experienced by the faithful because their religion has no reincarnation for it's departing leader]. Yes, the Favre retirement has caused that most disturbing of feelings-- uncertainty. It's funny because certainty is an illusion anyway. We comfortably assume everything will be the same tomorrow as it is today but nothing stands still. We can be alert to the opportunities change brings, or we can mourn the passing of what was, but change will come either way.
I saw an ad for a dating website. The two groups served by this dating service are millionaires and beautful people (the pictures were of a guy with gray hair standing in front of a private jet and a beautiful young woman so I don't know if it caters to rich women and 'beautiful" men or not). I wonder how many rich or beautiful people actually use this service. Would you really want to date someone whose top priority was how much money you had or how good you looked? Neither of those things is guaranteed to last. It's hard to imagine dating someone on those grounds bringing anything more than fleeting happiness and even that seems unlikely. The risk of being dumped for someone richer or better looking seems pretty high. Better to seek out someone who brings out the best in you and helps you reach your full potential. Happiness comes from loving who we are not from what we've got in the bank or on our arm.
John Henry's birthday today (the racehorse not the fictional "steel driving man"). He'd be 33. This is the first birthday he won't be around to celebrate. He recently passed away. John Henry is my four-legged hero. He was a late bloomer as a racehorse and excelled way past what's normally a thoroughbred's racing prime. He won "Horse of the Year" at age 6 and again at age 9. His parents were not distinguished and there was no obvious reason from looking at him to think he'd do anything noteworthy. But he didn't care about any of that. If you looked at John Henry standing next to you in the starting gate, you'd probably think your big, muscular, beautiful horse had him licked. You'd be wrong. John Henry teaches that age and appearances don't mean a thing. Never let what anyone else thinks about you determine your destiny.
I took a picture of some friends at their wedding reception. I was kind of proud of it. I showed my son. He said: "The reason that picture looks good has nothing to do with you taking it." I actually knew that. The picture looked good because the bride is breathtakingly beautiful. Her beauty would overcome any photographer's incompetence. When I clicked the button, I was guaranteed a beautiful picture. The only credit I deserve is being smart enough to point the camera at her. Who are the people who are making you look competent? Think about all the things you've accomplished strictly on your own. Probably almost nothing. We all depend on others efforts and talents for virtually everything. For example, I could not send these daily emails without the people at OneTen Communications designing and building the system to do it. Take five minutes and think of the people who make your life work and thank some of them.
My son's basketball team had the privilege of playing the #1 rated team in the country last night. They didn't have the privilege of beating them but they did have the privilege of making them really nervous. My sons' team won 25 games this year but last night's loss was probably the best game they have played. A loss might seem like a failure but it's not if you learn something. They learned the distance between them and #1 is not that far and they learned what aspects of their game need to improve to close that gap. It was a very successful loss.
At a coffee shop watching the people come and go. It's fun to see the relationships between staff members and their customers. Most are obviously regulars enjoying their brief chats with the servers. A passionate conversation about why Elvis is the best singer ever is going on right now. Of course, some people just order their coffee, pick it up, and go. How boring is that? It's like going to the art museum and just looking at the frames. They have some nice frames at the art museum but they are insignificant compared to what they hold. Keep this in mind as you go about your business today. Notice the people you encounter today and enjoy your time with them. Don't come to the end of the day and realize you spent it looking at frames not art.
Today I am a redhead. I left my shiny bald head in the sun too long and now I look like I'm blushing-- but only from the eyebrows up. I knew it was going to happen. I could feel it happening. But, I decided the future pain from the inevitable sunburn was a price worth paying to enjoy the warmth of the sun's rays. Most things come with a cost. You give up something to get something else. The trick is to make a conscious choice about what you're getting. I chose to pay with this sunburn and it hurts much less because what I got was valuable to me. I may have damaged the solar collector a little bit but the energy it generated for me was exactly what I was looking for.
Went to a basketball game at the old Chicago Stadium with an "Obstruced View" ticket. I spent the evening intently watching a steel support column with basketball players continuously disappearing then reappearing from behind it. I didn't miss everything but I did miss a lot. People would cheer and I wouldn't know why. Got anything obstructing your view? Keeping you from experiencing consistent joy and satisfaction? What's keeping you from moving away from behind it? Life doesn't have assigned seating. Maybe somebody put you behind a column of self-doubt or fear. Maybe you put yourself there. Either way, you can get up and move. Where do you want to be? Stand up and start walking that way.
As I settled into the hotel bed late, after 12 hours of driving, I heard the blare of a train whistle and the loud rumble of the cars on the tracks. I thought: "Alright! Trains!" Yes, I am weird. A hotel room close to railroad tracks is a blessing not a curse to me. I love trains and I sleep well so hearing them in the night is more like a sweet dream than a rude awakening. Yes, I am weird. What's weird about you? It might be a clue to your calling. Do you like sleeping on the ground and laughing about the times your tent blew away, or you almost died in a flash flood in a canyon, or got stuck between a bear and her cub but lived anyway? Maybe running backpacking expeditions is for you. Do you like to argue for its own sake? If someone says they like something do you immediately think about what's wrong with it? Lawyering may be for you. Don't overlook your weirdness [no one else is!] It might hold the key to fulfilling your purpose.
St. Patrick was enslaved by the Irish. He escaped and left the island. Later, after some time of preparation he went back to Ireland to convert his former captors to Christianity. Often, the difficult circumstances we find ourselves in are the seed bed for greatness. If we allow them to form us in a positive way, we can accomplish things we would not have achieved had we not been through the challenge. When things are tough, look to the future and how you can use your struggle to build a foundation for success. Hard times happen. Success comes from being strong enough to build on them.
A friend of mine is a big fan of Tiger Woods. He's not a golf fan (Tiger's a golfer in case you don't know). He's more of an excellence fan. He's fascinated by the singlemindedness matched with physical ability that makes Tiger the best golfer on the planet. Tiger will do whatever it takes to make himself perform at the highest level possible. Then, he'll try to improve on that. My friend has also become a David Atherton fan. Who's David Atherton? A bagpipe maker. My friend read about Atherton in the newspaper. Atherton takes his love of music (yes, bagpipes are a musical instrument) and his gift for woodworking and applies Tiger-like singlemindedness in a quest to produce perfect bagpipes. Tiger makes more money. [Golf is more popular than bagpiping though they seem equally impossible to play to me.] But, the fulfillment they experience is probably about the same. Achieving excellence at something you love and challenging yourself to get even better makes life a joyful daily adventure.
Can you choke to death on a piece of ice or will your body temperature melt it before it has time to kill you? This is just one of the many thoughts that ran through my mind early this morning. The human mind is always working. Always gathering and processing information. Einstein while riding the tram to work imagined himself riding on a beam of light. The thoughts this generated led to development of his theory of relativity. Genius lies in recognizing when one of the thousands of thoughts that pop into our minds should be captured and pursued.
It's the vernal equinox today. The first day of spring. For whatever reason today you can stand an egg on its end and get it to balance. We've experimented with this over the years. Sometime tomorrow or the next day it will no longer work. It's tied to the equinox. If you want to do it, you can't put it off. If you do, you'll have to wait till next year (or maybe autumn. Maybe it works then too I never tried). With the egg, at least you know the equinox will roll around again. Other opportunities are not so accommodating. That's why we need to be alert, look for the opportunities that come our way and act when they appear.
My favorite part of Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ is early in the film. Jesus is being tempted by the devil in the garden at Gethsemane. The devil is questioning Him, telling Him it's too much for a man to do, pointless, etc. During the conversation a snake slithers out from the devil's robe. It slithers around Jesus for the duration of the devil's tempting. After all of the devil's work to instill doubt in Jesus about the value of what He is about to endure, the camera focuses on Jesus's resolute face. Then "Whack!" He stomps the head of the snake and turns to meet the mob that has come to arrest Him. Jesus has made His decision. The temptation has been rebuffed. I love the sound of the stomp. The sound of victory. I wish I had it on a recording so whenever I'm tempted to give up or think whatever measly little paltry "sacrifice" I think I'm making isn't worth it I could stop and say to the tempter: "Wait a minute. Let me play this for you. 'Whack!' Recognize that sound? That's the sound of God winning and you losing. Let's listen again. 'Whack!'"
My friend Jammie is a barista (maker of fancy coffee drinks). She's a bit protective of her espresso machine. Defending it from co-workers who are not wise in the ways of making exotic caffeine concoctions. I wrote this poem for her. Jammie: Queen of the Bean Mistress of Mocha Sultaness of Steam Lady of Latte Queen of the Bean. Espresso Empress Baroness of Brew Caffeine Contessa Of peers, she has few. She's conquered the Field All serve in her Realm Encroach on her Empire? You won't live to tell. Baristas who challenge Meet "La Guillotine" It's death if you touch Her espresso machine.
When the women arrived at the tomb, the stone had been rolled away and Jesus's body was gone. The rock would have kept them from knowing Jesus had risen. If it hadn't been moved, and they couldn't move it, the first step in the revelation that He was alive could not have been taken. God moved the rock. Is there a rock blocking your way to the truth? When the time is right, God will remove it. The women went to the tomb not knowing how they would get in to attend to the body. They must have figured they'd find a way when they got there. God moved the rock and they got more than they were expecting. He'll do they same for you. No rock is a match for God.
"Women, Want a Healthy Marriage? Marry Man Uglier Than You, Study Says." Too bad my in-laws didn't live long enough to see this headline. Their daughter actually did know what she was doing! The headline is a bit misleading though. The study was of couples married 6 months or less. Kind of short to draw any conclusions about a marriage over the long haul. A good marriage is founded in love not looks. Love means self-sacrifice. Genuinely caring more about the other person's well-being than your own comfort. It's getting up to clean up a puking kid rather than pretending you're asleep and can't be awakened. Love isn't always pretty but it is consistent.
My son recently attended a concert. He took some video with his cellphone camera. The video sways back and forth because the whole crowd was swaying and he and the camera had no choice but to sway along with it. The crowd was overwhelming and made it impossible for him to shoot a clean shot. Crowds are like that. We all get caught up by the movement of the crowd. Whether its at work, our friends, or family, we move with the crowd because we want to, or because it's too hard to move a different way, or because we don't notice that we are moving with the crowd at all. That's why it's good to set aside time to consciously remove yourself from the crowd for awhile and ask yourself whther it is moving you where you want to go. You may need to find a new crowd that's moving your preferred direction. If you don't step out occasionally and evaluate, you may not even notice you're headed the wrong way.
How confident are you? Probably depends on the circumstances to some extent. I'm fairly confident I can help someone find their calling and take steps to live it out. I have no confidence at all that I can make a 10-foot putt. There are a couple reasons for this. One is interest. I'm very interested in other people living successfully. I'm not very interested in golf. Another reason is experience. I have a lot of experience working with people. I have very little experience making 10-foot putts. If you're interested in something but lack confidence in it, you need to get some experience. Get out there and start making mistakes! You'll get better which will give you more confidence which will encourage you to do more which will make you even better and more confident. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making them is a necessary part of succeeding.
"I've done this same ____ for ten years. This is how I live my life." Heard a woman say this into her cellphone as I passed by this morning. My first thought was "why?" It was obvious from her tone she wasn't enjoying the way she was living her life. She sounded trapped. Defeated. Why resign yourself to unhappiness? We have extraordinary freedom as human beings. We can usually choose what we do and we can always choose what we think. Frederick Douglass, in his autobiography, recounts that when he was a slave he came to realize that his masters could not control his mind and because of this he was free though his body was still enslaved. This realization started him on the road to becoming physically free from slavery as well. As long as you embrace the freedom of your thoughts you have the means to move toward freedom in all areas of your life.
There's an ad campaign running during the NCAA baskeball tournament. It's final line is "There are no Cinderellas." In the fairy tale, Cinderella's fairy godmother magically transforms her circumstances so Cinderella can go to the ball. The catch is everything reverts back to how it was at midnight. In NCAA tournament lingo, a team is dubbed "a Cinderella" if it is a relative unknown that beats a couple more highly regarded teams in the tournament. Will Cinderella keep winning and capture the championship crown or will midnight arrive first? That's the basketball Cinderella story. The point of the ad is any team that is winning in the tournament is not like Cinderella. There's no magic afoot allowing the team to succeed. Any success is earned by the hard work and talent of the players. They didn't wish they could go to the ball and then have the wish granted by their fairy godmother. They aren't working against a midnight deadline when the enchantment will wear off. Effort not enchantment is the reason a team succeeds. The truth is it is easy to be a Cinderella. Someone who is wishing to go to the ball. There are plenty of Cinderellas. It's fairy godmothers that don't exist. Next time you find yourself wishing your circumstances were different, stop. Look in the mirror and tell yourself "There are no fairy godmothers. If Cinderella wants to go to the dance, she better start making her dress."
Some men bring flowers to their beloveds. I bring mine squid. My friend Mellissa was telling me about the sunflowers her boyfriend had just given her. A wonderful gesture of his love for her. We were having this conversation as I was waiting for a carryout order of calamari (fried squid) to take home to my wife. I used to bring my wife flowers. Then, she told me she didn't really like flowers. This was kind of disappointing because I like flowers and, besides, when people see you buying them and carrying them around, they think you're a great guy for being so thoughtful. Nobody thinks you're romantic when they see you carrying squid. But, giving someone something they don't want just because you want to give it to them isn't much of a gift, is it? We can easily mistake what we want for something someone else wants because we are so self-absorbed. Take the time and effort to notice what others like and your gifts will be genuine.