FUN FIRST!

Torching the Gasoline for Explosive Success

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FEBRUARY, 2008

I know a guy with several adult daughters. They are all strikingly beautiful women. I like to think that when he was a young man he prayed he would spend his life surrounded by beautiful women and that this was how his prayer was answered. Not exactly what he had in mind but something he wouldn't trade at this point for anything else. That's why it's important to review your goals frequently. Marc Allen set a goal of owning a large white house on a hill in Marin County, California. When he could afford it, he bought it. As he walked through it he asked himself "Why did I buy this house?" When he'd set it as a goal, it symbolized a particular desired level of financial success for him. He'd changed in the interim but never bothered to adjust his goal. We are constantly changing. The you of today may not want what the you of six months ago did. Make sure what you are pursuing today is for "today's you" not for some past version.
"It's Friday-- finally" someone said to me yesterday. My thought was "It's Friday already!" I'm more of the "time flies" school of thought. I'm sure it's got a lot to do with the fact I have a lot to do and that most of it I enjoy. I don't remember a time when I watched the clock or longed for Friday. [Once I got out of school that is. When I was in school I did it pretty much non-stop.] Are you a "finally" or an "already" person? Why? Do you like the way you are or would you rather change?
"Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church." So says the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Ephesians. For a Christian, this is a tall order because we believe Christ's love for the Church involved giving up everything, forgetting about himself, and handing himself over to be killed by the Romans. Now, I'm sure we are all doing this admirably every day. Those Ephesian husbands must have been a bunch of slackers. But, on the off chance, that you may not quite be living up to this standard, you should probably do a quick reflection on the last 24 hours to see whether your actions toward your wife were Christ-like in all respects. Love is a 24/7 proposition. You can't put it off till after the game.
The Super Bowl was actually a good football game. Often they are lopsided with one team beating the other pretty badly. This one was a real contest. The New England Patriots hadn't lost a game all season. The New York Giants had scrambled and clawed their way into the game. They lost the first two games of the season and the New Yorkers were calling for the head coach to be fired (they do that a lot in NY). But, they turned things around. They won enough games to make the playoffs. They beat the Packers in Green Bay in ovetime in the miserable cold to win the National Conference Championship to get into the Super Bowl. The Giants were predicted to lose the Super Bowl -- by a huge margin. They weren't good enough to beat the Patriots. The Patriots were the perfect team. The anointed champions. But, the Giants kept clawing. Even when they fell behind early. Even when they fell behind again late. They rose to the occasion and won, taking the lead for good with 35 seconds left in the game. The Giants believed in their ability to win against the odds. It didn't matter what anybody else believed. Believe in your talent. Work hard. Don't listen to the naysayers. The most improbable things can happen if you do.
Mardi Gras. Fat Tuesday. You've got to love any holiday named "Fat" anything. It creates a picture of pleasant excess. Celebration. We don't celebrate life enough so it's good when an excuse for celebrating takes a foothold in our culture. The people in New Orleans have seized on the Mardi Gras concept and expanded it from a one day feast to a season-- running from Epiphany to the day before Lent. The rest of the country hasn't caught up to this but we can all do our part by at least celebrating today. Make a point of celebrating life today even if only in a small way. Take some time to be grateful for what's good in your life-- particularly the people. Have a glass of wine, eat a special meal, indulge in a rich dessert. These things are reminders of the good things in life. As we enjoy them we reflect on the other good things. When we share them with the people we love, we experience joy and true relaxation. Life is fun. But, you've got to pay attention to the blessings you've got and take the time to enjoy them in order to really feel the fun.
As I'm starting to type, Angel, one of our cats, is about to take a walk across the keyboard. Wonder what she'd write? It's very tempting to let her. Whatever came out, I could just send like I'd done it myself intentionally. Would it make sense? [Ok, go ahead and say it. "Well that would be something new, wouldn't it?"] Possibly, but not very likely. Happenstance doesn't usually produce anything valuable by itself. We need to focus and work to get something useful. But, happenstance can provide an idea or an inspiration. We should pay attention to the things that appear by chance in our lives (they may open a door to something we hadn't considered before), but we can't expect them to change anything for us without any effort on our part.
Words are like fire. They can warm your house or burn it down.
No matter how smart you are, you're not smart enough to live someone else's life for them.
The easiest benefit to confer on someone is to tell them the truth about something good you see in them.
No one is nearly as interested in you being happy as you are. If you expect them to be, you'll be disappointed. Create happiness. Don't mope around waiting for someone to give it to you.
Thomas Edison's birthday today. It's said it took him 5,000 tries to invent the light bulb. When asked how he dealt with all those failures he responded: "They weren't failures. I just discovered 4,999 ways not to make a light bulb." This may sound silly at first. Positive thinking gone overboard. But, it's not. Knowing what doesn't work is as important as knowing what does. If the light bulb had worked on the first try, those 4,999 other ways would have been tried anyway in an attempt to see if they would work better. Learning how not to do something is very valuable as long as you're smart enough not to repeat it.
Lincoln's 199th birthday today. "With malice toward none, with charity for all . . ." he said in his second inaugural address. We may think of "charity" as giving money to the Salvation Army at Christmas but it's much broader than that. It is first of all a way of seeing other people. Seeing them as valuable in their own right as opposed to valuing them based on their perceived usefulness to us. Charity is also acting in a way that acknowledges that intrinsic value. It's looking for small ways to do kind things for people. It is setting a tone of appreciation in all our relationships. Make a habit of appreciating the people in your life. Challenge yourself to find small kindnesses you can do and do them. You'll find it's a lot of fun.
I once heard Frank Zappa (an old time rock star for you youngsters who might not know) interviewed back in his heyday. His music was quite innovative and he was highly respected by other rock musicians for his creativity. The interviewer, seeking to plumb the depths of this rock music genius, asked: "Frank, where are you going with your music?" He replied: "Well, we're going to Barrington, Illinois tonight." [Frank apparently missed "prententiousness class". He was probably too busy teaching "smart aleck" class!] This has always stuck with me because it acknowledges that music, like so many other things, can't be explained. It has to be experienced. So also with life. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out what makes someone else do what they do. We can look for the deep meaning in their every word and action. But, this is fruitless. There's a good chance most of what they do isn't part of any kind of coherent plan at all. Better to listen to the whole song their life is singing and see if you like it than try to figure out what notes they are singing at any given moment and why they decided to sing them.
Valentine's Day. A good day for love. Love has many definitions. [It's hard to beat the Apostle Paul's description in his First Letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13 in the Bible. Check it out.] Today, I'll go with "love is wanting the best for someone even when it isn't you." Real love is selfless. This makes it hard. We want to be loved- to feel the warmth that comes with being cared for and appreciated. But, if we only relate to people in the hopes of getting them to care for us, we're really just saying "I'll pretend to love you if you pretend to love me." Pretending will eventually be exposed. If, instead, you seek the best for others, without worrying about what you get back, you give them the experience of being cared for and appreciated they are longing for. This may or may not lead them to do the same for you. Love attracts both the selfless and the selfish. Be grateful for the selfless ones who return your love. Don' be troubled by the selfish one's who don't. Expecting a return from everyone, or from a particular individual, is a recipe for misery. The more you practice selfless love the less you'll notice the non-responders. You'll find you're giving is its own reward.
Spring Training is underway for Major League Baseball. It's a time of hope. Everyone has the chance to excel. Every team has the possibility of contending for the championship. It's a time to learn what you've got, determine what you need, and develop a strategy for succeeding. Maybe it's a good time for you to imitate the big leaguers and take a look at your own plan for success. Are your strengths being properly developed? What needs to happen for you to reach your goals? Do you have a plan? Are you implementing it or are you "waiting till next year"?
We generally find what we are looking for. The things we expect to see are the things we actually see. If we expect to find problems, misery and rejection, we usually find them. If we expect to find beauty and joy we tend to find them too. Very few things (people, jobs, families, etc.) are perfect. Dwelling on the imperfections or approaching new people or situations with an eye toward what's going to be wrong with them takes the fun out of life pretty quickly. If you look for the good and the beautiful, you'll see a lot more goodness and beauty. Trust me, they are a lot more fun to look at.
Michael Jordan's birthday today. He was an amazing basketball player. Skilled in all aspects of the game and intensly focused on winning and gaining any advantage over his opponent. My son (an excellent high school baskteball player himself) attended Michael Jordan's basketball camp a couple years ago. When he came home I overheard this conversation between my son and a friend of mine: "Was Michael Jordan actually at the basketball camp?" "Yes." "Did you see him?" "Yes." "Did you get to talk to him?" "Yes." "Did he talk to you?" "Yes." "What did he say?" "He said, 'You can't make that shot.'" My son had been selected with some others to play a basketball shooting game called "Around the World" with Michael Jordan. Jordan was trying to get into his head to make him miss. You gotta love it. Six NBA titles. Numerous individual achievments and Jordan's trash-talking a teenager in a meaningless shooting contest. But, that's the key. For Jordan, there are no meaningless contests. Intensity and a desire to win are a way of life for him. I'm sure he couldn't turn it off. What kind of intensity do you bring to what's important in your life? Do you give less than your best for "meaningless" tasks? Are there really any meaningless tasks?
Going to the doctor today for a physical. As you get older the doctors subject you to a newer and more unpleasant array of examinations which they pass off as being for your own good. I have no independent basis for knowing if they are correct. It comes down to trust. It's important to build trust with people (family,customers,co-workers). They need to know from your actions toward them that you have their best interest at heart. You need a track record of service and care to build trust. If you have it, when the time comes that you need to ask them to do something that appears unpleasant, they'll be more willing to accept what you are asking because they believe you are looking out for them.
I was involved a while back in an event where among other things I had to make a paper airplane and attempt to fly it into a basket. I have a much better chance of making the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition than I do making a paper airplane that can actually fly. I made a couple attempts at folding the paper but soon realized no miracle had occurred to allow me to do something that I never had been able to do previously. There was a time when I would have been mad at my ineptitude but now I just accept it. The amount of time I would have to invest in learning how to make a paper airplane would never be worth it. Paper airplane construction doesn't interest me. It doesn't match with my talents. To have a satisfying life we need to pursue the things that interest us and match our talents. This seems pretty simple but a lot of people don't do it. How about you?
Six months from now it won't be too hot. Even if it's 120 degrees. It won't be too hot. I vowed in the dead of winter a few years back never to complain about hot weather again. I've kept that vow and this winter has reinforced me in it. I've been much less successful about the cold. I tried once to come up with fun stuff to do in the cold weather but the list was pretty short (skiing, sledding) and never really sounded like that much fun. Fun and being cold don't go together very well for me. While I can normally find something positive in just about anything I'm having trouble doing so with the cold. My positives are mostly just the absence of negatives (no mosquitos, no flies). Got any ideas? What's fun about freezing? I know there are people out there who love it. What's the secret? I'm all ears. Frostbitten ears.
What is listening? That's easy, you might say. It's the time in a conversation when you're waiting for the other person to shut up so you can tell them why they are wrong. If they are really inconsiderate, they may keep talking forcing you to interrupt in order to straighten them out. Yes, listening is that annoying time when your opportunity to display your wisdom is being stifled. While few of us would describe listening this way, it may be a more accurate description of our listening practice than we'd like. We tend to lose the two way nature of conversation and get caught up in what we have to say. We can be more effective if we turn off the "this is what I think" switch and pay attention.
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."(Franklin P. Jones) A friend sent me this quote and it's priceless. It hits a bigger theme as well: if you do things in hopes of being appreciated, you're going to be disappointed. We can't guarantee we'll be honored. All we can do is be honorable and hope for the best.
Stuff. Our lives are filled with stuff. Big stuff, small stuff, expensive stuff, cheap stuff. Stuff. Since we are material, as well as spiritual, beings we need stuff to survive. Somehow we've moved from survival to near suffocation. Taking care of our stuff becomes more time-consuming than our fulltime jobs. We have to rent storage space to keep the stuff that doesn't fit in our houses. We seem to acquire without any particular purpose. Take some time and evalute your relationship to stuff. Is it a healthy one or is it dysfunctional? If it's dysfunctional guess what? Stuff isn't going to do anything to fix it.
"It's not fair!" Uttering these words was the worst offense my kids could commit (other than being a Yankee fan). They seemed to learn the lesson well. I don't remember any of them actually saying it. Life is not fair. At least by the common definition: I didn't get what I want or somebody else got something better. Focusing on how you got cheated is completely unproductive. Much better to be grateful for the good you've got and the bad you've avoided. Gratitude makes unfairness irrelevant. What others have or you lack simply doesn't matter anymore.
Time. In high school geometry class it moved slower than a snail through superglue. Now, it disappears faster than chocolate chip cookies within my reach. Our perception of how quickly time passes may vary but the reality of its passage does not. It arrives in a moment and moves to the next. It is only in the current moment we get to live. Worry and regret are stealers of the moment. They are a decision to let the unchangeable past or the uncontrollable future ruin the present. The better we learn to use the present moment for current action and not for worry or regret, the more effective our lives will be.
When I was 4 or 5 a grocery store was being built near my house. After the workers left one day, I collected some not quite empty bags of cement powder, got a pan from the kitchen, and put the powder (along with some gravel) in the pan. I was going to add water, mix it up, and build something (I don't remember what). Unfortunately, it was time to go in the house for the night so I had to wait. Overnight it rained. When I got to my project the next day, I had a sauce pan filled completely with a rock solid block of cement. I wasn't going to be building anything with that but I was in really big trouble with my mom. [She didn't seem to think my little project was at all clever. Why did she read me those books about bulldozers and cement-mixers if she didn't want me to implement what I learned?] When you've got all the ingredients ready, don't delay. Putting off till tomorrow what's ready to be done today may leave you with nothing but a lot of explaining to do.
Fun First! is my motto. I figure if you're not having fun you're probably not being very productive in the things that are important to you and lack of productivity in these things leads to unhappiness. Drudgery is not a virtue. Making fun a priority puts you in a better frame of mind to meet your responsibilities.
It's Leap Day. Make the most of the extra 24 hours in this year. Decide to use those 24 hours as a special treat to yourself. You may not want to use them all today but decide when you are going to take those hours and how you are going to use them. You can take them all together. You can take them one at a time. You can take them in 5 minute increments. Just decide that the extra 24 hours this year are a gift to you and you are going to make the most of them.