FUN FIRST!

Torching the Gasoline for Explosive Success

MONTHS

2009

January

2008

2007

2006

OCTOBER, 2007

"Stop. Look. Listen." These words were part of an ad campaign to teach people how to avoid getting run over by a train at a railroad crossing. They also serve well in building our personal relationships. To develop good relationships: 1) Stop (your self-focus); 2) Look (see and care about the other person; 3) Listen ( pay attention to what they're communicating not what you're going to say in response).
Vince Palko in his e-letter yesterday mentioned a friend who had received an email from a guy who'd seen her profile on an online dating service. The guy pointed out that she incorrectly had typed "oversees" instead of "overseas", so he wasn't interested in her. It would take all day to discuss even half the reasons this guy is pathetic so I'll just have to pick one: he wanted to be cruel. He was trying to hurt this woman he didn't even know by suggesting she was too stupid for him. Obviously, that would be impossible. Maybe he was fishing for someone so vulnerable that she'd write back "Please don't reject me for my bad spelling," so he'd have a chance to be even more cruel. Anyone who starts out being critical is only going to get worse. Don't waste your time on them.
Walking into a room full of people is like walking into a gallery at an art museum and looking at the works. Some will instantly strike you as beautiful. Some you will find extremely interesting. Some will first appear incomprehensible. Some will remain that way. You owe it to yourself to spend time taking in what they have to say and seeing how they affect you. Don't hang yourself on the wall and wait to be noticed. Challenge yourself to be a connoisseur of the assembled collection.
Went to see Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor last night provoking nonstop laughter for a couple hours. The conniving and deceit always work out for the best in Shakespeare's comedies. In real life, not so much. There's a lot of conniving and deceit in Shakespeare's tragedies too. These are a better mirror of real life results.
Saw a little boy this morning dribbling a soccer ball with his little dog closely defending. He'd move the ball from foot to foot and the dog was right there barking an inch in front of the ball. The boy wasn't getting anywhere but he didn't seem to care. He was laughing and having fun. How'd your day start? It's important to start out doing something you love even for just a short time in the morning. It sets the tone for the day.
I knew some young guys who got to talking about how long a certain traffic light was red and how annoying it was to sit through it. One guy said: "It's so long I could change a tire before it turned green." Of course, being guys, they decided to try it. They practiced a few times as a group and set out for the intersection. I don't remember if they beat the light or not but they sure had fun. Anytime they have to stop at that light for the rest of their lives it'll bring a smile to their faces and it makes a great story to tell. When you've got a frustration in your life, see if there's any fun you can make out of it. It can't hurt.
If I write this quickly enough, I'll have time to go to the gym before I go to church. If I write slowly, I won't. Ah, the dilemma. Writing provides a convenient excuse, a lofty dodge. "I must devote myself to the important task of writing something inspiring no matter the cost to my personal well-being. Yes, it is nobler to write for you than to take care of my own body. These are the sacrifices a writer must make." Rats! That didn't take any time at all. My excuse-making is such second nature that I can knock them off in no time at all. How about you? Are you as talented at covering laziness in virtue as I am? Shoot! I really am done now. Guess I have to drag my lazy carcass to the gym. Bye!
Today is a good day in Chicago. The Bears beat the Packers last night so things are pretty rosy in the Windy City. But in 1871, October 8th turned out to be a lousy day. [Note to my younger friends: I do not remember this event firsthand. Despite what you may believe I actually was not born till a few years later!!] That evening most of the city burned down. The Chicago Fire was a colossal disaster. But, it created colossal opportunity for the few willing to risk everything. Most people believed Chicago would never be rebuilt. A few people thought otherwise and bought up downtown Chicago real estate at cheap prices from those who were giving up. They built businesses there. They made tremendous fortunes and laid the foundation of one of the world's greatest cities. When disaster strikes, those with vision and courage will see and act on the opportunities to make something new and better. Everybody else will just give up.
Remember "mood rings"? These rings change color supposedly reflecting the mood of the wearer. So, if you walked up to someone and said "that's a lovely black opal ring you are wearing" and they punched you in the face with it, they were probably wearing a "mood ring", not an opal. "Mood rings" would be more useful if you could use them to change your mood. Just slip on the "grateful ring" when you're grumpy and "presto," you're in a good mood. The good news is you can get the same effect by choice and you don't even have to cough-up the money for a ring. When you're in a bad mood, decide to slip on your "grateful ring" in your imagination. Think about what's good in your life and watch your mood improve. Gratitude is a potent mood improver.
Fishing. Don't know much about fishing. I do know that if you catch an eel, it's not going to turn into a dolphin no matter how long you wait or how you treat it. If you're looking for a dolphin, the best thing you can do is throw back the eel ASAP. While this is obvious in fishing, it seems to be much more difficult in dating. An eel is an eel and no amount of hoping, waiting and self-sacrifice is going to change it. "But maybe I'll never catch a dolphin?" Is that really a reason to hang on to the eel?
Glacier Surfing. There are glaciers in Alaska that periodically drop huge chunks of themselves from great heights into the bays below. This creates waves (sometimes 30 ft high) moving fast (40 mph). Glacier surfing involves hanging around where you think a piece of glacier is going to drop, with your surfboard and someone on a jet ski. The trick is to get close enough to catch the wave but not so close as to get crushed by the falling ice. When the ice drops, the jet ski tows you out in front of the wave so you can catch it. You let go of the rope and surf the wave. Is that cool or what? Such ingenuity. I've seen those glaciers in action but the idea of surfing the wave never occurred to me. It took someone in love with surfing, who is always looking for a wave, to see the opportunity. If you're passionate and focused about finding something, you'll see opportunities where others see nothing at all. [Check out glacier surfing on YouTube. If you show your kids, you might want to turn the sound off since some of the clips include guys saying the sort of things guys might say when a huge chunk of ice falls from the sky close by]
Columbus and his crew landed in the New World on this date in 1492. He hadn't gotten where he was going (India) but he'd gotten somewhere and that somewhere turned out to be a pretty good spot. Remember that the process of seeking will lead you to discover things you weren't looking for as long as you're paying attention. While it's important to focus on your goals, it's also important to notice the possibly greater opportunities that may pop-up along the way.
Attending a square dance tonight. Been doing this once a year for an awfully long time now. Square dancing is odd to me. You wouldn't think a dance which requires following directions called out by some bystander would be any fun at all. Doing it once a year, part of the fun is screwing up following the directions and laughing at yourself. It's kind of like a more complicated version of "Simon Says." "Simon says . . . do se do." I'll be laughing and following directions poorly.
Someone might throw you into the dumpster of rejection but staying there is strictly up to you. The hardest part of climbing out is believing you don't belong there. It's easy to think: "If I'm in the dumpster, I must be a piece of trash. Why else would I have been thrown here?" But, ignorant people throw away valuable things all the time. There are people who spend endless hours digging valuable things out of the trash and selling them for a lot of money or preserving them for themselves. As a living treasure, you have an advantage. You don't have to wait for someone to find you in the dumpster (they may not, you know. Much more discarded treasure is lost forever than is found by someone who can recognize it). You can climb out yourself. Don't live in the dumpster for another second. You deserve much better.
Playing dead. Once read about a Civil War re-enactor whose specialty was being dead. He was particularly gifted in making himself appear to have been dead on the battlefield for sometime. He was an artist. His comrades would encourage him to "do the bloat" for spectators. How about you? Have you turned "playing dead" into an art in some aspect of your life? In a relationship? In your work? When confronted with a challenge? Unless you're a Civil War re-enactor, playing dead is not going to be any fun nor very satisfying.
L. Rust Hills (a very funny man) in his essay "How to Solve America" suggests the solution to our problems is to pass a law requiring the un-invention tomorrow of what was invented yesterday, and so on, day after day until reaching the point where everything is back to being wonderful. We all have imagined these kinds of "solutions" to our problems (how far back before "speed bumps" are gone?) -- forcing other people to live in a way that accommodates us. But even if we got everybody else doing what we wanted, there'd still be the tiny little problem of ourselves. What we want tends to be a moving target. Actually, what we want is to be happy and the things we think will make us so are what keep changing. No amount of change in the rest of the world is going to make us happy. That's an internal thing. Though, abolishing "speed bumps" wouldn't hurt.
I knew a guy who was an excellent golfer as a young man. He was drafted into the Army during the Vietnam War. When he arrived at his first post after bootcamp, he brought his golf bag with medals he'd won (as well as some he'd borrowed) pinned to it. A sergeant walked up and asked: "You win all these?" "Yes, sergeant." He spent the Vietnam War teaching generals to play golf. Marketing. He had a skill. He knew it would be in demand. He found a clever way to advertise it to the people who mattered in a way that wouldn't be missed. Brilliant.
John Henry is dead at age 32. He leaves his stablemate, Cigar, alone at the top-- the greatest living racehorse. Cigar must feel a great loss when he looks to the paddock across the path from his at the Kentucky Horse Park's Hall of Champions and doesn't see John. Cigar wouldn't know John Henry dominated horse racing in the '80s like Cigar did in the '90s. He wouldn't know John Henry was Horse of the Year as an "old man" at age 9 or that he won his last race by hanging at the back of the pack until the top of the stretch and then sprinted past all the youngsters to victory. But, he would know John Henry was a horse to be reckoned with. The human eye would see John Henry as a cute, smallish old horse who would never stand a chance against the large and powerful Cigar. But, Cigar wouldn't see that at all. He'd have seen in John Henry's eyes, even from across the path separating their paddocks, what all those other horses had seen in his own and he'd know there'd be no looking behind at the finish for John Henry if they met on the track. Great racehorses know these things. Cigar and I have both suffered a loss in John's passing. He was a hero of mine. But, Cigar has suffered the greater loss. Only he can truly appreciate the greatness that has passed on. Thanks for the inspiration John. You proved there's no such thing as "too old."
Made any good mistakes lately? No? Are you dead or just not paying attention? If you're not making any mistakes, you're probably not accomplishing much either. Action causes mistakes as well as success. Lack of mistakes usually means lack of action which always means lack of success.
"Who dealt this mess?" is a common refrain in a card game where the dealer is unhappy with the hand he dealt himself. It's a tacit admission that his bad luck is his own responsibility. Next time you're tempted to gripe about your circumstances remember the lesson of the dealer. If you're in a mess, chances are you dealt it yourself. The good news is you get to reshuffle.
If you love people, the world will change. Nothing else is going to do the trick. No amount of law-passing or program-building. No "if only they'd . . ." is going to work. When my car starts making a bad noise, my first response is to turn up the stereo so I can't hear it. This allows me to ignore the noise and not think about the time and cost of repair that awaits me. However, it doesn't fix the car. The "big" solutions to the world's problems are just turning up the stereo. The real solutions require personal attention and personal cost. Love is time consuming and costly but it fixes what's broken.
Attended a wedding a while back. During the vows, I couldn't see the bride's face (too bad she's an amazing beauty!!) only the groom's. It was obvious he appreciated at the time the great gift he was receiving in his bride. The trick is to keep appreciating the gift. A good relationship, like breathing, is easy to take for granted until it stops. We need to make a conscious effort to appreciate the people we've been given every day. Every time we see them. If you think CPR to revive an unconscious person is tough, try reviving a comatose relationship. Don't let yourself get to that point. Breathe life into your relationships every moment of every day.
Life is like baseball. Sometimes you get into a slump. Slumps are funny things. You can hit the ball hard but it's always right at somebody or just an inch foul. You're swing is just a fraction low so instead of a double to centerfield you hit a sky-high pop up on the infield. Then it gets in your head and you think you can't hit and when you think you can't hit, you can't. The solution is always the same. Slow down. Practice hitting off a batting tee. Keep your eye on the ball as it sits on the tee. Work through your swing. You'll start hitting solidly off the tee. Then you'll hit solidly in batting practice. Then, in a game, the ball will finally find a hole somewhere and you'll have a base hit and the slump will be over. If you're in a life slump, slow down. Don't panic. Pick something simple to do you can succeed at and rebuild from there. Slumps are mostly mental. Getting out of them starts with convincing yourself you can do something, no matter how small, successfully.
"Start the day doing something you love" is a basic Fun First! principle. Usually, this is easy for me since usually my wife is right there when I wake up and I love being with her (which is why I use "snooze"). But, she's out of town. Fortunately, in my bleary-eyed wanderings this morning, I discovered the chocolate chip cookies. (As my children read this, they will rush to the kitchen to see if there are any chocolate chip cookies left-- my lack of self-control in this regard is well known to them) I do love chocolate chip cookies. A couple (few? half-dozen?) put a nice little dose of fun at the start of my day. If you missed your Fun First! start, decide now to have some fun at your first break. Where are the closest chocolate chip cookies?
I was sitting at the computer yesterday reading an article which was discussing the high level of intelligence possessed by Doberman Pinschers. At the precise moment I was reading how smart they are, one of my Dobermans, Diego, walked over, nosed my leg, then lifted his head-- smashing it violently against the underside of the keyboard shelf with a loud "thud". It was priceless. Timing is everything, Diego! It didn't really phase him. He does this head thunking fairly regularly. Diego is blissfully unaware of anyone's expectations for him. In this it would be good to emulate him (though not in his goal-setting which seems limited to figuring out how to sleep on the couch when no one is watching). Also, you might want to watch your head.
The autumn leaves suggest a lesson: become more colorful as you age. Trees flower in their youth and finish in a blaze of glory but spend a long time in the bland conformity of middle age. Break out early from this conformity and brighten things up till you drop. Nobody takes a trip to see the summer leaves. Give people a reason to gasp in wonder.
Masterpiece: something made with extraordinary skill or brilliance-- a supreme achievement. Does this describe you? Not to worry. X-rays show Rembrandt's masterpiece, "A Polish Nobleman," started out looking different. But, he painted over it and created an extraordinary work. No matter what you've got on the canvas so far you can change it. A few little touches or a total paintover. As long as you're drawing breath, you can re-draw your life-- starting now.
My friend, Jules, lives in New York. She went to a Broadway show last night where two of the major roles were played by the understudies, not the stars. She said you'd never know from the performance that they weren't the stars. Her friend commented that the understudies often give the best performances because they don't get to perform the role very often so they put everything they have into it. Makes sense. The best performers are ready to sieze an opportunity when it appears.
The Red Sox are the World Series champions and baseball sadly passes into a dormant period until Spring Training. It took the Red Sox 86 years to win the World Series. They finally did it in 2004 and now they've won again. From dustbin to dominance with plenty of "almosts" along the way. They continually re-made themselves until it worked and will have to keep re-making themselves if they want it to keep working. Standing still is never an option.
Everything I know I learned from being stupid. At least, sometimes it seems that way. Particularly when it comes to relationships. I usually do the right thing now having stupidly tested out all the wrong ways previously. The most important lesson is to seek forgiveness immediately. It's essential so long as there's still a chance of doing something stupid. And there's always a chance of that! [Tomorrow, Halloween, is the anniversary of the Fun First! daily email. Let me know what you think about it. Any favorites? Favorite themes? Things you'd like to see discussed? Hope it's fun for you. It is for me.]
Halloween: Today we pretend to be afraid of small children in scary costumes. Our real fears are no different. We've gotten stuck dwelling on the illusion they present. Face what you fear and say: "This is not really Freddy Krueger. This is a small child dressed up like Freddy Krueger. This child does not scare me." Last Halloween I kicked off the Fun First! daily email with the above observation. Thanks to all of you for reading my daily offerings and for your many kind responses (and for the smart aleck remarks too-- I like them as well). I appreciate the opportunity to enter into your lives each day.