FUN FIRST!

Torching the Gasoline for Explosive Success

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2009

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SEPTEMBER, 2007

On Labor Day weekend, there's a big festival in my home town. Looking at the promotional photos for some of the bands that are performing, I'm struck by the middle-agedness of these rockers. Why are they still on the road performing? Maybe they need the money. But, there certainly are aging rockers who have kept performing who didn't need the money (Mick Jagger comes to mind). Why? Probably because they love it. It's not like the "age police" show up one day and say "Excuse me. You are too old to rock. Turn over your Spandex and cowbell and come with me." The "age police" don't exist. Unless you create them and submit to their authority yourself. [Note: If you don't understand what a cowbell has to do with rock music, the whole "age police" thing won't trouble you for a very long time.]
Being grateful is the foundation of happiness and success. Build your life on gratitude and it will reach to whatever heights you wish. When I awake in the morning (or even in the middle of the night) my habit is to thank God for my life and the people and things in it. (In the middle of the night the first thing is "Oh, yeah! It's not time to get up!") I just go through and name what I'm grateful for and do it slowly enough to "feel" grateful as well as "think" it. Practicing gratitude will change you for the better. Forever. Remember, your aptitude for gratitude determines the state of your attitude.
Joe Bonamassa is an amazing blues guitarist. Saw him perform last night. I'm always in awe of great creative talent. Having hacked away on the guitar myself for a few years, guitarists particularly impress me. Seeing Bonamassa, I just kept wondering "How did he think to make that particular sound? How did he develop the technical ability to create it? How many hours did he practice to get it just right?" We're not all Joe Bonamassa with a guitar but we all have something. A gift. A calling. A purpose. Something we can develop to enrich the world. Don't stay in the audience. There's something you've got that belongs on stage.
Placing blame is dominant in our culture today. We seem to believe that once we've assigned blame, we've solved the problem. We can spend a lot of time and energy fighting about who failed to let the dog out, but the house is going to stink until somebody cleans it up. Blaming is not solving. It doesn't create peace. It doesn't bring happiness. It doesn't undo what's happened. It doesn't get the dog poop off the floor. Here's my challenge. Today, be countercultural. Don't blame anybody for anything. See if you can go the whole day without blaming anyone for anything even in your thoughts. Not your spouse. Not your kids. Not other drivers. Not your boss. Not your co-workers. Not even yourself. Instead, look at what you can do to make the situations you face today better. Then, do it. You'll be surprised how much more joy you'll experience. But if you don't, don't blame me. At least not until tomorrow!!
How'd your "No Blame Day" go? Were you able to keep from blaming and focus on acting to make things better? It's not easy is it? Blame's got a long history. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the snake. Maybe that was the real curse of eating the forbidden fruit. Instead of asking forgiveness and acting to repair their relationship with God, they blamed someone else for getting them into the mess they were in. Wasn't very effective was it?
"Wonder" is cool. It's looking at things in amazed admiration. Like a child watching a bubble float through the air and trying to catch it without popping it. Wonder is the root of genius. Being fascinated with what you see and imagining what you don't. Practice wonder. Take a few moments to be amazed by something. The way your hand works. The way a bird flies. The way your mind thinks. Enjoy life in its intricacies and simplicities.
Can you relax? Are you capable of it? Letting your mind wander to pleasant thoughts and taking your body off the treadmill of "doing something"? We tend to associate "productive" with "busy" but this is not the case. Great inspirations tend to come from a relaxed, playful mind. "Busy" may just be locking you into a grind that gets you nowhere. Like pacing feverishly back and forth. You might be working hard but you're not going anywhere. Just digging yourself into a rut.
Just outside my office window is a spider web. Sometimes violent weather wipes it out but it always gets rebuilt overnight. The spider doesn't seem to fret about having its primary "income producing asset" destroyed. It just takes it in stride and builds a new one. The ability to build a web makes the loss of a web just a minor inconvenience. Whatever setback befalls you, know that you have the ability to rebulid your "web". Don't stand around looking for the lost web strands. Start making new ones.
Today's the 1st Sunday of the NFL season, so I figured I'd go with a football analogy: You are the receiver, your dream is the football. You have to keep your eyes locked on it until you've caught it and tucked it away. You can't be thinking about the free safety closing on you at the speed of light who is thinking about hitting you so hard that your ribs become dangerous shrapnel to people in the stands. Your only thought is catching the ball. If you're thinking about the bad things that could happen, you'll never make the catch.
Who's the 2nd person to climb Mt. Everest? I don't know and you probably don't either. It's funny how we make a big hoopla about somebody doing something for the first time and then ignore anyone else who does it. It's not like it got a lot easier to climb Mt. Everest. That's why we know people who climb mountains do it to achieve personal satisfaction not public acclaim. Same with us. If you're looking for recognition for your accomplishments from anybody but the person in the mirror, you may have to wait a long time. People are generally too busy waiting for you to recognize their accomplishments to be paying any attention to you and yours.
Einstein had some problems in school as a child. Apparently, he failed a number of classes. One of his teachers said he'd never amount to anything. He wasted his time daydreaming instead of concentrating on things like the conjugation of French verbs. I, on the other hand, learned how to conjugate French verbs. I don't remember any French verbs now much less how to conjugate them. Maybe I should have spent more time daydreaming. Guess it's never too late. Allow yourself the luxury of daydreaming. You may not come up with any breakthrough world changing ideas but I bet you come up with some breakthrough life changing ideas. Even if you don't, at least you'll have some fun!
Did you take some time to daydream yesterday like I suggested? Keep it up. Goofing off takes committment. Don't be a slacker! I'm reading a book called The Physics of Superheroes. This had to be the product of some serious daydreaming by the author, a physic's professor. He takes comic book superheroes and illustrates physics principles with them. Chapter One is leaping tall buildings in a single bound. He took two of his passions and fused (note my subtle use of a physics-like term!!) them together. Only daydreaming could produce such a great idea.
You're walking in the woods when you hear some snorting and all of a sudden a bull moose crashes out of the trees. Most of us would react with some level of fear but some folks would be thinking "cool." A new swing set arrives in a big box: "some assembly required." I would think: "I'm gonna need an awful lot of help with this", but there are others who would tear open the box and put the thing together without even looking at the instructions. We each have different gifts or types of intelligence. Problems that align with our gifts aren't even seen as problems. That's why its good to have friends and co-workers with different sets of gifts. A big key to happiness is recognizing that its ok not to be good at everything. Focus on your strengths and make friends with people who can assemble swing sets.
As my friend re-entered her office, everyone stopped talking. "Were you talking about me?," she asked. "Yes" a co-worker replied. "Why?" "Because you weren't here." Got to give the guy points for honesty anyway. Isn't it amazing how easy it is to see the error of other people's ways and straighten out their lives when they're not around to interfere? Next time you're in a group that's starting to do this say "Hey, lets record this conversation and give the tape to Charlie so he can benefit from all our wisdom on how he can improve himself."
Went to a high school football game last night. It's fascinating how much momentum factors into to a sporting event. When things start going well, they tend to stay going well. If something happens (a fumble, a penalty) to break the momentum, success hinges on a quick recovery and not letting momentum build the other way. To do this you have to be confident. Realize that every game is going to have a certain number of mistakes in it. When one occurs, isolate it and leave it in the past. Joey's fumble has absolutely nothing to do with you hitting the next guy through the line unless you let it.
On this date in history, a beautiful but foolish young woman went on a first date with a strange young man. Not learning from her mistake she continued dating him. The young man was stunned by his good fortune and remains so to this day. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.
Today is the U.S. Constitution's 220th birthday. It's not as catchy as the Declaration of Independence. Fomenting revolution wasn't on the agenda anymore. In the Constitution they were trying "to secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity." We are their posterity and its good for us to reflect on how well we're doing with the blessings of liberty they sought to secure for us. Are you making the most of your personal liberty? History teaches that governments can restrain personal liberty to the point of extinction. That's bad. But its even worse when a person refuses to embrace the freedom they have because they don't want to accept the responsibility of making their own choices. Expecting someone else (government, spouse, other people generally) to make your life better leads to constant disappointment. The more control you give to someone else over your happiness the less happy you're going to be.
Who is wielding the brush that's painting the portrait of your life?
I got all excited when the radio announcer this morning said: "There's another season opener tonight." My immediate thought was "baseball." Then I realized that it's September and nobody is having their baseball season opener tonight. It was the San Francisco Symphony he was talking about. I was listening to the classical station. I've loved classical music since I was 15 or 16 but baseball's imprinted in my soul. It's a wonderful passion. There's just no musical equivalent to a "suicide squeeze play."
A family was preparing their son for going to kindergarten. They spent a couple weeks emphasizing how much fun he was going to have at kindergarten: stories, toys, coloring, etc. The first day arrived. He happily went in and was very cheery when they picked him up afterward. "Did you have fun?" "Yes, it was great just like you said. We played games, read a story, colored pictures. It was cool!" "Well, that's wonderful. You must be looking forward to going back tomorrow." "What! I have to go back tomorrow?!!," he said, bursting into tears. Besides accurately describing my own feelings about going to school, this story illustrates the importance of remembering that just because you know what you're talking about doesn't mean anybody else does. Failing to put yourself in the other person's shoes when you're trying to persuade them to do something can lead to some very unpleasant experiences when they do it and get a result they didn't expect even if you did and figured it was obvious.
My daughter feeds the cats. Cats are optimists. They sit outside her bedroom door whether it's feeding time or not. If she walks to the basement (where they get fed) they run down with her, even if she's just going to do the laundry. They attend her every move because she might, just might, be about to feed them. They are always ready. Humans are not like cats. We are not always ready. We lose heart when success doesn't arrive immediately. We doubt it will come so we quit being attentive to the things that will bring it about. A cat would not make this mistake.
"I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." Nathan Hale uttered these words in New York City on this date in 1776 prior to being executed by the British for being a spy for the American revolutionaries. Every kid learns this quote in grade school. It was and is inspiring. It focuses us on the fact that we have but one life to give or use for anything. If you were to say what you regret having but one life to give for, what would it be? Does the way you're living today match with that sentiment? Or, are you actually living like something else is more important to you? "I only regret that I have but one life to give for gaining other people's approval." Just not that catchy, is it?
Love is like building a cathedral. You start out with a perfect vision of what you're going to build: a glorious and unmatched work of art on the grandest possible scale. You can see it so well in your mind that it seems already completed. But it's not. You have to start hauling brick, mixing mortar, and putting them together brick by brick by brick. You'll toil all day to the point of exhaustion and see nothing but a few bricks stuck on other bricks. It'll seem a puny mockery of your vision. Someday a high wind or earthquake will knock down some or all of what you've built and you'll have to start over. You'll make mistakes that require tearing down and rebuilding. Somedays it will seem pointless. Somedays it will seem impossible. Somedays you'll think you're an idiot for wanting to build a cathedral in the first place. All these things are fine as long as you keep hauling and stacking the bricks. Laying brick builds a cathedral. How you feel about it doesn't matter. Just don't quit.
It's Monday. Do you wish it were Friday? You don't really. That's wishing your life away. You really just wish Monday felt better. Here's a plan: First, don't think about the Bears' game last night. Oh, wait. Sorry. First, make a quick list of some fun stuff you're going to do this week. If you discover you aren't going to be doing anything fun this week, change that. Think of some quick fun you can have. Call someone who makes you laugh. Decide to make a chocolate shop detour after work. Be creative. Misery and Monday don't have to be synonyms.
Took a quick look at my life goals list this morning. It's interesting that the main goals remain the same but some of the lesser ones just don't interest me anymore. Maybe they reflect a phase I was going through at the time I wrote them. I didn't take them off the list at this point. If they still don't interest me the next couple of times I look at the list then they'll come off. It could be my lack of interest in them at the moment just reflects a phase I'm going through now. It's good to check the list every month or so. It shows me how I'm changing as well as how I'm progressing on achieving my goals.
How did Michaelangelo feel a month after he finished painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling? He spent all those years toiling to create a masterpiece. He'd complained often about the project (he preferred sculpting), made mistakes, and confronted difficult technical problems. The masterpiece at times seemed like it didn't want to be made. Mold attacked the plaster and damp weather kept it from curing. In some ways he must have been glad to be done. All that trouble put behind him. And, of course, it was an astonishing work of art. But once the relief and elation passed, then what? I'm sure he felt something akin to what parents feel when their children leave home. Joy, sorrow, relief, anxiety in constantly varying waves of intensity. Michaelangelo went on to a new field: architecture. He could enjoy looking at his Sistine Chapel masterpiece but he couldn't re-paint it and didn't really want to, even if he did get that gnawing desire to erect the scaffolding and climb back up with his brushes every now and then.
Why is there a market for information about the troubles in celebrities' lives? Why does being in a movie, or on TV or a popular singer make your errors, sorrows and bad decisions worth money to someone to observe? Don't be a part of this market. Being entertained by other people's mistakes doesn't benefit you. Focusing on the negative doesn't make anything about you better.
There's a school of thought that believes, in essence, that life is meaningless and that anyone who is happy is deluded. If they knew the truth they'd be miserable because miserable is the only appropriate state of being in light of the "reality" of life's meaninglessness. This strikes me as an elaborate rationalization for being a mope. "I don't want to risk acting and possibly failing so I'll just define everything as failure and call anyone who thinks otherwise stupid." Meaning is made in the moment. It's only in the moment that we live and act. The "big picture" is made by the tiny brush strokes of everyday life. If you think your life is meaningless, it's only because you made it that way. If you think meaninglessness is inevitable, you're just being lazy.
Life is like baseball. Just because you stink early doesn't mean you can't win in the end. Major League Baseball has a 162-game season and the Cubs needed most everyone of them to clinch a spot in the playoffs this year. In the early part of the season, you would have been hard-pressed to find a team as bad as the Cubs. They were giving a clinic on how not to play baseball. A pitcher and catcher even got in a fight with each other during a game. But even after playing 40 or 50 games badly, there were still 110-120+ games to go. They got better. One game at a time, they improved and hit a point where you would not have been able to find a team playing as well as the Cubs. Don't let your past disappointments rule your present. Play your best today. It's a long season.
Today is the end of the 3rd quarter. Seems like it was just halftime. How'd your "halftime adjustments" work? Are you progressing toward your goals. In case you forgot, here are the suggestions I made back in June for your "halftime adjustments." They're good for the 4th quarter as well: Is there a goal you totally neglected? Reevaluate. Maybe you're really not that interested in accomplishing it. Decide to put it aside and work on something you're actually interested in. More likely, you didn't get to it because 1) you didn't break it into small enough bits so it looked too hard or required too large a block of time to accomplish or 2) you didn't write it down or you didn't look at your goals' list often enough and you forgot about it. Take a few minutes now and write down what you want to accomplish by the end of the year. Then, decide what the first small step to getting there is. Then do it now. After you've done that first small step, take some time today or tomorrow to write down the next 5 small steps. Step 5 should always be to make a list of the next 5 small steps. Do a step per day. If you can't do a step in a day it's probably too big. Set your goals big but your steps really, really small.