FUN FIRST!

Torching the Gasoline for Explosive Success

MONTHS

2009

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AUGUST, 2007

I learned from one of my former law partners the value of calm confidence. No matter what went wrong in a case he never got upset or nervous. He just looked to find the best course of action to take under the now less than ideal circumstances. He never gave the impression that any adverse event would prevent victory. By expecting to find a winning strategy, he usually did. Expect to win and the path to victory is much more likely to appear.
Positive thinking isn't magic. It's not sitting in a locked room and believing $10 million is going to appear next to you and having it appear. It's a tool to transform yourself. As you change, you start to see the possibilities and opportunities that can bring you that $10 million (if that's what you want). You still have to move.
Awhile back, some co-workers and I were at lunch. I recognized the waitress as someone I'd worked with in high school. I reintroduced myself and she said: "I remember. You were going to be President." Oops! I got into politics right after I figured out I didn't have the skills to be a rock star nor the passion to acquire them. Politics was just the next phase of me seeking public acclaim. I was looking to have my worth validated in a big way from other people. I quickly figured out I didn't have the skills for politics either. (In keeping with the positive tone of these emails, I won't discuss what those skills are!!) Eventually, I realized that no matter how many other people I could get to think I was great, it wouldn't be enough until I believed it myself. Are you living to get others to validate your worth? It won't work. Concentrate on the face in the mirror.
I knew a kids' baseball coach who, when he thought an outfielder was playing too deep, would say "Babe Ruth's dead! Move in." The threat the outfielder was defending against was non-existent. No little kid was going to hit it that far. Is there some problem you think is Babe Ruth? Take another look at it. Be realistic. Is it really an ominous slugger? Or just a Little Leaguer your fears have elevated to the Hall of Fame?
Made any good mistakes lately? I certainly hope so. Mistakes are a sign of life, of activity, of decisionmaking. Don't be afraid of mistakes. Make them, learn from them, move on. If avoiding mistakes controls your actions, you're probably not doing much of anything. That's the real mistake.
Got a good bit of rain the last couple days. As I left the house this morning, I thought: "I wish it hadn't rained. I'll have to cut the grass." Ah, yes. The whole world should revolve around me and suit itself to my purposes. Imagine if every time I had such a thought, I actually got what I claimed I wanted. That'd be scary. Imagine the consequences of getting everything you've whined about not getting. Selfishness would really be its own punishment then.
Had dinner last night with my wife and several other beautiful young women. (Life is good!) At one point two of my companions started laughing about something and couldn't stop. Laughing to the point of tears. It wasn't long and we were all laughing hysterically. It was great. A fit of laughter cures most ills. I think I'll take up contagious laughing as a hobby. Stand in lines or small crowds, start chuckling and let it build into hysterics. See if it spreads. I might need a partner though. Me, laughing by myself, might draw a police officer rather than more laughter!
Spandex. Unless you're a competitive bodybuilder or a fitness model, wearing too much spandex is going to highlight some aspects of your form you probably aren't interested in highlighting. Are you spandex? Do you highlight people's imperfections? Are you stretching to make other people look bad? Why?
Speed Bumps: An annoyance placed in the road to inconvenience the law-abiding in a vain attempt to deter the non-law-abiding. Speed bumps are emblematic of attempts to do something by indirection that you are unwilling to do directly. Like banning employees from eating lunch at their desks because one guy brings a camp stove and fries fish on it stinking up the whole office. There are few, if any, problems that are better solved by general edict than by direct personal action. Of course, direct personal action takes more work, which is why we use "speed bumps" in the first place. Don't be lazy. Be direct.
"If you're bored, you're probably boring," said my young friend, Keeva. An astute, if harsh, observation. We really create our own level of enjoyment. If you're unhappy with the way things are, look at what needs to change in you. Changes in the things around you won't make you any less bored. Even if the Cubs won the World Series, it wouldn't permanently alter the life or well-being of even the most diehard Cub fan. Unless the world actually did end when the Cubs won!
Ever go out of your way to do something for someone, get them a nice gift or something and have them not even acknowledge you'd done it? Did you think: "What an ingrate! I'll never do anything for them again!" Guess it wasn't really a gift you were giving them. It was just a payment in anticipation of receiving something back. You were mad because you gave the ice cream man your money and he never gave you the ice cream cone. If you are looking for a return from anything you do, what you are doing is not really a gift. You're just trying to enter a contract to receive a benefit for yourself.
At the racetrack yesterday, just before the running of the Arlington Million, I walked by a guy looking at the program for the race. I heard him say: " 9 years old? Do they let 9-year old horses race?" Yes, they do. But only if they're really fast. Apparently, he didn't know that the 9-year old in question, The Tin Man, won the Arlington Million last year at age 8 and was the favorite to win again. He didn't. Caught by Jambalaya a couple strides before the wire, he finished second. Nobody on the track thought he was too old to be there. Especially all those horses that finished behind him. Only the ignorant think age is a disqualifier.
Today's Lefthanders' Day. A chance to celebrate southpaws. The push some years ago in schools to force lefties to be righties is the ultimate in misguided attempts to compel comformity. Lefties tend to be more creative than we righthanders. Who knows what great creative works we lost because the artist got his left knuckles rapped one too many times and gave in. There's a big difference between "different" and "wrong." Unfortunatley we don't always recognize that. Especially when we're parents. Thanks lefties. For reminding us that "different" is often "good."
Today's my 25th wedding anniversary. I'm having too much fun to write anything today. Fun First! I have to practice what I preach.
5 Lessons from 25 years of marriage: 1) You can't "fix" someone else no matter how much you want to or how hard you try; 2) If you "fix" yourself, the other person will get better; 3) Love is the absence of selfishness; 4) Every act of kindness is big no matter how small it looks ; 5) Laugh at everything especially yourself. Taking yourself seriously isn't the road to unhappiness. It is unhappiness.
Would you rather be drawn and quartered than apologize? (In case you don't know, Mel Gibson gets "drawn and quartered" at the end of Braveheart. It involves having your intestines removed while you're still alive to watch and was the punishment for treason in merry ol' England). Does admitting you were wrong seem like torture to you? What's the big deal? Is your self worth so low you can't handle the fact you screwed up? Don't want others to see your weakness? Guess what? People see your weakness whether you apologize or not. Apologizing just shows you're smart enough to see it too.
My dad used to tell me when I was a kid that the music he listened to when he was a kid (the Big Bands) was better than the music I was listening to. One day he got a collection of Big Band music albums. He was listening to them around the house. After hearing a few songs, I thought: "Man, he's right. It is better." This was scary because it raised the question: "What else might he be right about?" Start with a little open-mindedness and it might become habit forming and wreak havoc on your preconceived notions about everything.
Attending a wedding today. The bride is a priceless treasure. A woman of exceptional talent and unmatched beauty. The groom now begins his stewardship of that treasure. Seeking a treasure is one thing. Possessing it is another matter. A man can hide it away for fear someone will take it. He can seclude it so it gives no pleasure to anyone but himself. He can choose to treat it like its nothing special and misuse it (like a Rembrandt for a doormat) or forget its value and neglect it till it fades, corrodes, or rots. If he's wise, he will treat this treasure like a curator treats a masterpiece. His every action designed to enhance the gift that's come into his hands. Preserve it. Let others be moved and enriched by its beauty while protecting it from things that may damage it. Devote himself to learning all he can about the treasure and its care. Know that it is of immeasurable value in and of itself and not really his possession at all.
Roberto Clemente (his birthday was yesterday) is sometimes called the "patron saint of baseball." He was a tremendous rightfielder, strong, accurate arm, and an exceptional hitter. He was the first big Latin American (he was from Puerto Rico) player in the Major Leagues. He was higly respected as a human being as well and was (and remains) an icon in Latin America. In 1972, a terrible earthquake struck Nicaragua. Reports came in that relief supplies were not making it to the victims but were being diverted by the military. Clemente decided to go to Nicaragua personally because he knew they would not steal the supplies from him. His stature was too great. This was not arrogance. This was an understanding of the power he commanded and a willingness to use it for the good of others. He never made it to Nicaragua. His plane crashed shortly after take-off from Puerto Rico on New Year's Eve 1972. "No greater love has a man than this than to lay down his life for his friends." If you look through a list of the most outstanding Major Leaguers since Clemente's death, you'll find many of them wore number "21". This is no accident. "21" was his number and if you're any kind of baseball player you want to be everything that Roberto Clemente was.
Today is the 125th anniversary of the premiere of Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture." You've got to love a piece that includes in its performance both church bells and artillery! It commemorates the Russian's defeat of Napoleon's invading army. Tchaikovsky wrote it as a work commissioned to be performed at a festival. From his letters, he apparently wasn't too thrilled about writing something for the festival nor overly impressed with what he had written. Despite his lack of enthusiasm, he created a monumental, joyous work. Seems like a good thought for a Monday morning.
Mother Teresa said: "Never let anyone leave you without being better or happier." That's a fair challenge. Every person we meet should be enriched by the experience. Challenge yourself to pay enough attention to people that you can help each of them be happier or see something that allows them to improve their lives. You might not be able to make them both "better" and "happier" in the same conversation. But you ought to be able to do one or the other and often both.
One benefit of getting older is that I see a lot more beautiful women than I did when I was younger. (Actually, I see a lot more beauty in other areas (art, music, nature) as well. I'm just more interested in women!) This is probably attributable to paying more attention and having a deeper and broader understanding of beauty. It's also got to do with a better understanding of the verse "God created man in His own image. Male and female He created them." I'm not going to overanalyze this though. I'm just going to enjoy it!
"If you love people, the world will change." This is one of the Fun First! principles of Jubilee living. (Jubilee has got to do with freedom in case you missed earlier discussions of it) Love doesn't mean having a nice feeling about other people. "Isn't that a nice young man hanging by his fingertips from the ledge of that cliff. He's really swell!" Love is an action not a feeling. It's grabbing the cliffhanger's arm and saying "If you fall, I fall and I'm not falling." Love requires risk for the sake of others.
I have a photo of Michaelangelo's statue of David as the background for my computer's desktop. I love the expression on David's face and the look in his eye. The statue captures David just as he is about to fight the giant Goliath. He is focused. He is looking at Goliath and is thinking: "That is one dead giant standing over there. See the giant. Kill the giant. Go home." Find yourself a picture of this statue. Study the eyes. Apply that gaze to the giants lurking in your life.
I'm a "regular." A customer who appears most everyday. In my case, I stop for coffee. People have commented "you must really like coffee". Actually, it's the people. I could make my own coffee (though that would involve cleaning the coffeemaker which seems like way too much work, but I digress). I've developed some great friendships that all grew out of a daily two minute coffee stop. Once you realize the people serving you aren't just flesh-covered vending machines, it opens great possibilities. When you stop for something, instead of thinking about the next thing you have to do, ask the server a question like "what have you got up for the rest of the day?" Pay attention. Care. Learn something. Come back. Learn more. Before long, you'll look forward to your "routine" ventures because they've been transformed into chances to see your friends.
We hate freedom. Other people's that is. The world is filled with people making free choices and we just don't like it. Free will gave us both Mother Teresa and Adolf Hitler. It gives us people who assist a man collapsed in the street and people who steal his wallet. We, of course, see ourselves firmly in the Mother Teresa camp and therefore exercise our freedom to gripe about what everybody else is doing with theirs. Problem is Mother Teresa didn't do that. She just saw Jesus in everybody and loved them accordingly. Hmm, maybe we're not in her camp so firmly afterall.
Family reunion yesterday. For the picture, I found my cousin Pat (who is also bald as a cueball) to stand beside. It was a bright sunny day. I said: "We can blind the people behind us." A little while later a voice from behind says: "Man, I feel like the oncoming car has its highbeams on." Ah, the sweet sound of success!
My friend Chris was playing golf with a guy who was very good. The guy hit a long straight drive. Outdriving everyone else. While walking to his ball he was griping about all the things he'd done wrong in his swing. Chris observed that golf is outcome-based. He'd ended up farther than anyone and in the fairway. This was a good result. Don't complain about success. Especially around other people who were not nearly as successful. Especially if they are carrying clubs in their hands.
I once was asked to suggest some language for a release of liability relating to golf. My suggestion was: "Playing golf is hazardous and may result in serious injury or death, if you're lucky. If you're not, you'll have to keep playing." I must admit that golf has beaten me so far. I've been unable to let the pleasure of hanging out with some friends override the frustration at my incompetence at the game. Maybe I should try to conquer this someday but its not very high on my list of priorities. Actually, it's not even on the list. I haven't decided whether this is a good thing or a bad thing yet. That's not on the list either.
"It doesn't much matter what you teach a boy, as long as he doesn't like it." Don't recall where I ran across this quote. It was years back when we were preparing to educate our first child. It's got some appeal on the face of it. Teach the child to deal with adversity, tediousness, boredom. Life certainly has some of those things in it. But, that's not really the mindset you want to have for life. Something you don't like but endure. Life is actually intended to be delightful and adventurous. It's a better educational philosophy to let children pursue their passion. They'll hit adversity on that path too. Then there'll be a point and motivation to overcome it.
Saw a bumper sticker (which I'll alter in an attempt to outwit the spam filters): "Pyscho [female dog] From Hell." Why would someone put such a thing on their car? Are they living the life of their dreams? "My dream is to live like a psychotic dog demon spreading misery, fear and unhappiness. What's yours? Oh, wait I don't give a . . . !" I don't think anyone as a small child saw causing misery as their life's mission. What happened? When you're hurt you have a choice. Forgive or retaliate. Forgiveness brings freedom and personal peace. Retaliation brings more hurt and a life that reads like a rude bumper sticker.